Attention on attention on attention…..

I’ve heard that science tells us that at in any given moment we have about 16-21 bits of data in our attention in any given moment. Depending on what’s going on, that might seem like a lot. Or, when considering that there are literally millions bits of data in any given moment, it may seem like not much.

I love practices that slow me down- it seems that when i’m slowed down a bit, attention is more able to explore the vast amount data in my experience. Mediation is like that, and OMing is like that. The more I practice either, the more it spills out into my life in such a way that life starts to be experienced as a constant experience of meditation- or of expanded noticings. YUM!

Back to OMing- my morning OM in particular. As my OM partner began to stroke my clit, I immediately noticed how my body was turned on, in so many ways! Attention jumped and jumped and jumped. X sensation in the inner left leg. X sensation in my hip. X sensation on my clit. X sensation on the area around my clit. And so on. It was like i was on the yummiest of amusement park rides: thrill after thrill. At times there were so many yummy bits that wanted attention- and it was clear that “I” was not in control. I’d have a moment where I thought it would be nice to just hang out in X area. But then attention would be pulled to Y area. And so on. Sometimes attention would seem very narrowly focused, like there was a study on the most subtle and tiniest of an area. And other times it would feel like attention was quite “wide” and felt very expanded. Neither area/experience was better then the other- they were all so pleasurable and all part of my experience of being turned on!

Aside from the pleasure and over all yum, I was so entertained by how attention jumped around, and i was so entertained that there was attention on the attention jumping around. And THEN there was the ongoing entertainment of connecting to that which was attending to the attention on attention on attention. Phew!

Being a human being, with the ability to have conscious awareness, is a marvelous thing. I love engaging in practices which allow my system to experience the spaciousness where so much can be noticed and so much can be experienced. Thank you OM!!!

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Unwinding, part 1.

We OM’d last night after nearly a week apart. Sometimes after being apart we are sexually desirous, a sexual craving hanging in the air. This time we were both quite tired, and more heart happy to see each other then anything else.

Our tiredness brought a relaxedness to it that felt nourishing and sweet. He was a bit off the mark (so to speak) with his finger at times, which led me to making simple and forthright requests in a way that felt quite effortless. I’m not sure if it was do to our tiredness or a million other variables, but I was particularly tuned into my own mechanism rather then “our” mechanism, which is to say that I was particularly tuned into my own unwinding as opposed to what sometimes might feel “our” unwindings and winding ups.

Language gets tricky here- in my reality tunnel there are always unwindings happening (I started writing a blog post about this a couple weeks ago, and the draft has disappeared!). And in those unwindings there can also be noticeable coming togethers, so to speak. What could be called a winding up. A release and gathering. Surrendering and receiving. Death and rebirth. Sometimes this exchange is more noticeably occurring. Flow. Sharing of energies. A team effort. Syncronicity. It would seem as though these things are always happening, whether in my attention or not. So, my point is that last night my attention was less on the flow between us then it was my own mechanism unwinding within itself.

From the moment I laid down I felt my system relax. The soft and yummy touch of my partners hands on my legs, and then pussy. Ahhhhhhh. I was turned on before we even started- and with the first stroke my whole body turned on a whole hell of a lot more. Because unwinding is often in my attention (I unwind people for a living, and experience an almost constant experience of unwinding myself), I became devotionally attentive to what my body was doing- ie how unwinding was showing up for me. I felt my heart and crown chakra opening. A vortex within/under my root chakra undulating. Waves, spirals, the subtlest twists and turns. My shoulders started to move spontaneously. I don’t ever remember my shoulders coming into my attention in such a way during an OM so this really got my attention! They were being invited to move in very subtle and particular ways. As I followed the invitation, I felt how there was a reverberation that flowed. I noticed how there were a series of very tiny shifts happening in my hips. My back. The fascia in my mechanism was softening and the bones and tendons were releasing. This was both delicious and nourishing. Usually I notice unwindings on more of an energetic level, so this very physical manifestation mixed with an energetic experience was so entertaining!

Often after an OM I am so turned on that I am wide awake. After this OM I was so turned on that I was ready to sleep. Such a new experience for me! It was like my nervous system had been deeply massaged and made love to. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Om’ing partners

I OM 99% of the time with someone who is also my lover. I’m guessing this influences our OMs in ways that i’m not even aware of. I have been considering inviting others into my life to OM with me, and during this morning’s OM I found myself a bit more aware of those influences.

When I was laying with my legs open to my lover, and he was connecting with my legs and body, I could feel how I bring our relationship/life into our OM. That’s a bit hard to describe, but I could feel it. I could feel how I was not leaving everything behind at the door, so to speak. Once noticing that, I found myself much deeper in presence, and much more connected to myself. And it dawned on me in a split second that this level of self containment would be useful and perhaps necessary to OM with “strangers” or with people I’m not in sexual relationship with. Which is not to say that I’m wanting to close myself off to the other person. Not at all. It does seem like a tricky balance of internal and external referencing- staying open to receive from other (and to give to other), while staying inwardness connected. Perhaps that is one of my main rabbit holes of the moment.

I continue to be curious how I can feel safe and ready to OM with other people in an area that has no OM community.

Down……….

My main OM partner and I did two OMs last night. The first was nothing to write about, so to speak. But the second one went in a different direction then ever before experienced. His finger on my clit was out of my attention- it was as if I couldn’t even really access it. Instead my attention was on the finger at my vaginal opening. It felt like that finger was pulsing into the tail bone/root area of my being, like a subtle drum. I kept my attention there and it felt like a fire was being built. The fire grew and grew, and started to flow down my legs and out my feet. This aspect has been experienced before, but the the “fire” itself was situated differently in my body and the intensity was a bit stronger, more forceful.

Over time my attention landed back on my clit, and a couple different times I could feel my being approach a climax but instead the energy shot straight up, and outward throughout my body in an orgasmic wave.