It had been awhile since our last OM. 15 days. Due to a lot of factors, including an “om gone wrong” a couple weeks prior (See the last blog post), I hadn’t been getting a “yes” to his requests to OM. This was perhaps the first time ever that I had turned down an OM.
But after a week of deep rabbit holing all sorts of things- including trust and safety and expectations and the future and other things- I woke up with a text from my OM partner, and I found myself asking him if he’d like to OM this morning.
Earlier this week I had met with a One Taste OM coach and I was officially trained in OM’ing. Even though I’ve been OM’ing for almost a year, there were some things in our practice that had fallen outside of the OM container, so it felt good to get that in order and be true to the container as it was intended. Particularly after the last OM experience I had, I have even more appreciation for the container and the wisdom behind it. But that’s a post for another time. ☺
As the OM started I rested into my body and felt into his finger. As always, my body immediately responded to his touch, and sensations jumped alive in my body. First noticeable was the line that seems to often fire up from my clit to my heart chakra. I felt my attention go all around to my body, and brought it back to my clit repeatedly to feel into what was going on there. I noticed how I had increased sensations when he was “lower” on my clit then higher.
I sat with the contrast for a bit, and I could feel my system adapt to his movement- in the sense that I could let go of my preference and fall into his movement, and find the orgasm in that. I think this is a beautiful thing, and something I’m super adept at- I can find the orgasm in almost anything! I can adapt and love and feel the splendor of almost anything. But that is not the invitation at this time of my life. I’ve got that one figured out! Now it’s time for me to fly, away from the herd and everything I’ve ever known and leaned against if necessary. Adapting has become a way I let myself be held back, from stepping directly into my full creative potential and power. Adaptation can be an amazing skill and resource, but it can also be used to stay in stagnation and settling, and lately that’s where I’ve been finding myself when I adapt. So it’s time to acknowledge the beauty of adapting, and also say goodbye to the seeming safety of it, bc it’s actually not safety at all. It’s death. That’s a post for another time too. ☺
Perhaps all of this is the divine drive behind making requests. OM’ing isn’t about adapting. I can have what I want. THIS IS MY BODY and I can make my request and they will be listened to and honored. My body, my wants, my needs are honored. I laid there and for the first time I could really feel how adapting has served me, AND it has held me back, and now is the time fly out of that nest.
I made a lot of requests this morning. At times it was really hard bc I can SOO easily adapt. I find pleasure in all of om’ing for the most part!! How do I even know what to request or when to request or… And that’s when the word TRUST popped back into my attention.
Trust is pretty much the foundation of my soaring life. It’s something I come back to again and again as I evolve and leave the old behind and evolve into the new. And here I was again, sitting with trust. The first thing that came to me was the old idea of trusting my partner. The oldness of this idea is rooted in referencing to the external: trust in that which is outside me has been a game I’ve long played, which interests me less and less as time goes by, but which still grabs me by the hair from time to time. Laying there getting my clit stroked, I felt the vulnerability of my system laying there- legs open, body exposed, at the “mercy” of my partner, and at the mercy of my ability to adapt. Ohhhhhh!!! But hold on! I remembered that the real trust is not in my partner or the container, it is IN ME. As I fell back into that inner trust, my vigilance system relaxed and I realized that the “hows” of requests would come perfectly as I simply trusted in me. And that is what I did.
I trusted the divinity that was coming through, and I spoke it, not because I thought what would come from making the request would make my experience better, but because that was what was there in the moment. Trust is about only moving from the moment. JUST THIS. The genius of requests (in om’ing and in life) is that it brings one into their body, into their person hood, into being a human being on a planet… in this moment. I don’t actually need to trust my partner- I need to trust myself, and all movements will come from that. I am the determining factor, always, not him. If he is “not trustable” I can trust my movements to reflect that. I simply have to trust myself and the movements that come from that inner trust.
As I fell into my inner trust, the “floor” fell out from under me and my whole lower body came on line. I’ve written about it before, where I feel the “lower” level of my body engage and unite my entire body- this experience is me being fully engaged in my body. Chakras open, system open, in my power and inner truth. The orgasm obviously is much more alive and profound from this place.
The OM continued, and I was able to feel both the body engaged full AND the slightest touch of his finger on my hyper senstive clit. The power of requests and trusting in my inner truth are brilliant and such a vital part of my evolution. Thank you OM!