I didn’t write about my last OM. So much came up in 15 minutes, that i didn’t now how to honor during the OM and I didn’t know how to honor it afterwards either. Almost a week later, here I am to write about some things that came up for me about OMing and about experience.
It had been a busy week, with a lot of busy thoughts, and a lot of emotions flowing but not necessarily named. I knew things were right on the surface, and I could literally feel them coming and that they would come with the OM, but I didn’t know how much or of what variety until the OM started. I was flooded with emotions of such a strong nature- and I could feel fight, flight and freeze mechanisms arise. Part of me wanted to pause the OM and get up and yell and scream. Part of me wanted to just zone out. And part of me wanted to pause the OM so i could curl up in a ball and sob. That’s a lot to feel while someone is stroking your clit, in a tightly contained situation!
I felt all these emotions continuously roll through, over and over, different varieties and depths of them. Throughout I kept bringing my attention back to my clit. My attention vacillated between my heart, which at times felt like it breaking, and my first chakra, grounding me continuously deeper into my body and experience, and clit.
Throughout the OM tears fell from my eyes, and the continued desire to leave the nest shook me up from the insides. The anger, the sadness and grief, and the overwhelm from it all raced through me, and there I was flat on my back. That in itself was really challenging!
The other factor was that both my OM partner and I were on tight schedules- I was needing to leave to go pick up my daughter after our OM and he was off to a very important business meeting. This increased the tightness of the container and the push/pull pressure I was experiencing- I was wanting to fully feel what was surfacing, but it didn’t feel like the time or the place or the best container for that to happen.
If I could have done a do-ever, I might have said to him before our OM- “I’m feeling a lot of stuff right now, and it is likely to come out during our OM. Don’t take anything personally that might come through my being.” Time was a factor I couldn’t change, but if i’d had a magic wand and I could have produced more time, I might have said something like: “I might need to even pause the OM, or you might need to pause. Let’s be open to what is needed by both of us.”
This brings me to questions I’ve had before but have never asked because they haven’t come up for me. Is it ok to pause an OM session? Or, slightly different, is it ok to ask the stroker to stop stroking for a bit? The other topic i’m curious about is, what is done when trauma is being released during an OM? As a therapist who deals with my clients trauma all the time, I know how important it is to honor the experience/the expression. While the OM container is amazing, it doesn’t seem to be adequate in dealing with the intense stuff that can surface.Luckily I am very resourceful and also have a lot of resources and people to support me, so after the OM I was able to get what I needed. But I wonder about other women who may not be as resourceful or have the resources I have.
Cutting to the chase, what is on my mind is: sometimes I think 15 minutes just isn’t long enough. And sometimes I think the container is too restrictive for what wants to surface to come out to play. I don’t know how the OM community deals with this, but I’d love to hear from others.