I hadn’t OM’d with him in awhile- months. A lot has happened since then. But today is today, and he’s due shortly. Thoughts of canceling spring up, but something is being called forth, and I listen to the call to stay on course with the agreement to OM.
I peruse the underlying unsettledness. Where am I in life? My boyfriend. My father. My daughter. My work. Where am I? Who am I? What am I wanting and needing? What’s being called, from the depths?
I search for an intention for this OM. What am I wanting? In a split second they roll on through: I want clarity, understanding. I want connection. I want to be wanted. I want to be loved. I want love. I’ve hit the jackpot. Love. Yes, i want love from others but I want so much more. I want what is being called for in every moment, the journey of always: self love.
I’ve got a client scheduled on the heels of this OM- i’m on strict time line. I let my OM’er know, and we get down to it. As we start the grounding process I bring my intention into attention and breath it in- receiving, being open to and curious about experiencing and perceiving self love. There’s some awkwardness as his fingers become reacquainted with my pussy and the OM’ing structure- this is his third OM with me, and his third OM ever. I’m wondering what’s going on down there and then it becomes apparent that the time to make requests has arrived. Confident and knowing, requests come out of my mouth instructing him what to do with as much precision as i can find. He complies with yummy willingness. Moments of explosions start to happen. The requests keep coming, and he keeps taking them in. The orgasmic flow has started to trickle, and I’m turned on. My vocal cords start to vibrate and sounds emit. My body is undulating. I’m in heaven, and heaven is about to get even better as more fine tuned requests surface. I also let him know that he’s doing great- because he really is. My system is relaxed, my vigilance centers undetected, and i’m perceiving openness and the sweet rise of climax.
I am noticing aliveness throughout my whole body, my legs, my clit, around my body, up through my core, out my mouth. My intention flickers in and out of awareness- how I’m noticing self love comes into my attention, and it becomes apparent how the whole OM is one big expression of self love. I’ve been honoring and loving myself through this entire OM: my willingingness and readiness to make request after request, my body surrendering, my heart opening, my pelvic floor softening, my expanded awareness, my vocal expressions, my undulations, and my over all letting go and taking in- they are all been ways I have opened myself up to experiencing and perceiving self love. I am honored to know myself in this way. I am grateful to pay homage to my beingness in such a way.
The second bell rings and his finger is still in original clit stroking position. I suspect he doesn’t want want to interrupt my very obvious orgasmic flowerings and doesn’t know what to do, and I notice that I’m finding myself once again right on the edge of breaking the container and forgoing distinctions because I’m really enjoying the pleasure so much. Catching this pattern is another showing of self love, and then acting on it -telling him that he needs to move onto the down strokes and then into grounding- is an even more expression of self love. For me, it’s actually profound. Making distinctions is such an obvious way to love myself, to truly honor myself, and they are often what gets thrown out the window. Thank you distinctions. Thank you find tuned attention. Thank you self love.
We part ways, and I run up the stairs to my first Zoom client. I am flushed. I am turned on. I am alive. And I am love.