Yesterday I wrote about self love: Journey of always: self love. I discovered in a deeply profound way that making requests is a form of self love. This was so exciting for me to experience via direct experience that I want to spend more time exploring it.
First I’m going to talk about wants because in my experience they too are part of self love, and also open one up to requests. It seems to me that while OMing wants arise. They arise very quickly sometimes, and may be barely noticed as wants, but underneath each request is some kind of subtle want. Even though the want may not be identified, the container provides a safe space in which to have them, and that is significant. Our vigilance centers are down, and we become tuned into the subtle wants of our bodies, and then we get to “go after them” through requests. This entire movement is a profound movement of self love- to allow oneself to want, and then to love oneself enough to get that want attended to by making a request. We get to honor ourselves/our wants, speak on our own behalf, and then receive the gift of having wants attended to- all because we’ve loved ourselves enough to open ourselves up to OMing in the first place. The OM container/experience can be so amazingly empowering in offering such variety of ways to love ourself.
The beautiful thing about the OM container is that it provides a safe arena to experiment with making requests because all requests are taken in by the stroker- in other words, the stroker never says “no.” If the request doesn’t feel like it’s met then I can make the request again, and again, if necessary, until the request is met. In my own experience I have never had a request that ultimately wasn’t met. The OM container has provided me with so much practice in connecting to subtle wants, and then putting them into form via requests. Its been the prefect practice for honoring and loving myself, and it has set the stage for engaging in life in a similar way.
My OM practice has bled into my life in amazing ways. Part of my own inner work and as well as work I have been doing with clients is name and then to lean into wants. When there is dissonance, discomfort, and/or unsettledness I often invite myself or my client to dream into this question: “what am I wanting right now?” The answers are extremely varied and might be show up as something concrete to something abstract or emotional (I am wanting to feel a blanket around me, I am wanting to feel this contracted sensation in my belly, I am wanting to feel adored).
Have you ever let yourself deeply want? Too often culture either demonizes wants, skips over them, and/or turns them into demands without feeling them. So when I invite myself to deeply want, sometimes more dissonance pops up at first- which is great because then I get the opportunity to clear out a lot of stuff i didn’t know I had laying around (dissonance/belief systems/baggage). After that starts to get cleared out, and I can feel the want without cluttered thoughts, it starts to feels really good and at the same time freeing because the good/bad/fears (dissonance/limiting beliefs) have been cleared out. At this point the want often becomes sweet and loving. And after awhile I notice that the want itself starts to shift, because as it’s been fully allowed, there is no longer resistance to it, and so the significance attached to it falls away.
A personal example, a month or so ago I was feeling into my nervous system and was feeling really unsettled. I asked myself what it wanted, and the response was “I want to be adored.” I had a lot of resistance to that at first! I was met with feelings of weakness, inadequacy, embarrassment, and so on. As I explored those different parts that showed up, and let them all be honored, they started to loose their power. Eventually I allowed myself to deeply dive into wanting to be adored. I bathed in this sentiment, really allowed every part of my being to feel this want deep within me. And then I did I went one step further and expressed it to my boyfriend and posted it in a face book group. I was met with more internal discomfort, and sat with that, allowing the dissonance to pass through. Eventually there was no dissonance, absolutely nothing “bad” or even “good” about wanting to be adored. It just was. It felt very allowing and accepting of myself to “let” myself have this want, and for there not to be any dissonance in response. It felt sweet and loving, toward myself. Funny enough, after a very short period of time I noticed that this want shifted, and I could barely remember the “me” that wanted to be adored. What is not resisted often does not persist. 🙂
Back to requests. When I can name and own my wants, then I can extend that and make requests. I can ask the people in my life if they can help me get what I’m wanting. For example, I might be wanting not to drive in the snow due to various reasons (the underlying want might be- I want to feel safe, or I want ease, or I want to be taken care of, etc) and so I can ask my friend if she’d come pick me up. Unlike in an OM, there is no guarantee that my friend will say yes, but the worst that might happen is that I’ll have to feel/connect with myself with whatever comes next. Maybe there will be an opportunity for my friend and I to enter into a conversation about what’s going on with both of us. Either way, I’ve connected with myself, which is a way I can love myself, and I’ve also possibly connected with my friend, which also can feel really satisfying and a way to experience love.
I love how the OMing container/practice provides me with a framework where I can continue to study and practice self love, in ways that feel safe, natural and beautiful. I love that as I continue to practice the expressions of self love in the OM container, my being seems to feel more confident and whole, and that I am able to feel that wholeness outside of the container, in every day life. And I love how actions of self love in the container get to be mirrored outside the container in all sorts of profound and beautiful ways as I engage in life.