Not holding on

Earlier today I had been in meditation when guidance came through with the words “stop holding on”. I hadn’t realized it, but there was a subtle holding on in form and thought, and when those words came through there was a profound unwinding that occurred.  Perhaps my system was still exploring “holding on” because that when I laid down to OM today the intention came to “not hold on”. For a split second my mind went into “so, what does that mean?!?! Do I not make requests? Do I…?” And then I remembered that I don’t have to figure anything out, and that the present moment will take care of itself as i lean into “not holding on.” Phew. 🙂  After that left brain stuff was out of the way, it felt like a really beautiful invitation, and I could feel my system relax immediately in surrender.

Things felt very spacious as the intention floated in and out of my attention. There was a subtle and fluid “releasing” happening and not a lot of intensity. Then, all of the sudden, I felt the orgasm spring forth, and there was a direct line from my clit to my throat, and then into my heart. The intention kept coming into my attention and it seemed like the data in my attention data was coming and going, very quickly. What seemed to remain was perhaps the longest peak orgasm I can remember in an OM. I don’t know how long, but maybe 8 minutes. During that time my orgasm was very big, and was both within me and around me. It seemed that I was going to explode, as the peak just continued to very subtly build, or sometimes remain somewhat constant. There were moments where I wanted to scream- perhaps to release some of the intensity. It felt like a very high and deep orgasmic wave was being ridden.

At some point my attention shifted and my feet and legs dropped into attention- they felt like they were plugged into a socket, buzzing with electricity. This electricity flowed upward through my hole body- my body was shaking- and at the same time my energy field was dropping downward- releasing more and more.

The bell rang. Down strokes. Grounding. Sharing frames, “That was a lot of energy!” Sweetness. Surrender. Gratitude.

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