During the first couple months of OMing I had a ton of mental pictures come up while being stroked. My attention would fight between the raw sensation of a finger stroking my clit, and mental activity. Images were particularly strong: the images of a finger fucking me, images fucking my OM partner, images of my partner sucking my pussy, images of me sucking my partners cock, me climaxing, etc- you see the theme. The simple act of getting my clit stroked was overlaid (no pun intended) with a lot of imagined sexual activities. A lot these images were images I’d actually have in my minds eye when I was climaxing- images that, it seems, over time I’d unknowingly used to help myself climax. Which is funny because it never seemed that I used visualizations like a lot of people- i.e. i didn’t fantasize much about others, even when masturbating. Instead I was apparently imagining my own body! I think that the images were so overshadowed by the sensations that I didn’t notice them.
Everything slows down in OMing. I was gradually able to see how I associated certain sensations with climaxing- more specifically, with the arrival of a climax. I was able to see that when those sensations would arise I’d *want* to climax. And if I wanted to climax- once I could feel that burning desire- there was an automatic inclination to use images to “get me there.” Since there is no “getting there” in OMing, there was a constant invitation to drop all that was associated with getting anywhere. It took a long time for me to drop the images the moment I noticed them/the moment the desire to climax arose. I had to keep reminding myself- return to raw sensations, return to raw sensation!, return to raw sensation!!!!!!! This has been profound in so many ways in my life. To experience raw sensations throughout my body without the overlay of words and images is truly freedom.
I was reminded of this during today’s OM. I was overwhelmed with an unusually fierce longing to climax, and I *knew* I could make it happen if I stepped outside of the present moment just a tiny bit and conjure up what was needed “to get there.” The yearning uncomfortably was strong and took me off guard. I was soaking wet and could feel my pussy juices through my folds. My back was aching to arch into him, and there was no holding that back a couple times before I realized that my body was trying to get something going on. I could feel the dilemma- the struggle- going on inside of me. These thoughts lassoed round and round: “Come back to direct experience Lisa!” “Oh come on! I just want to climax!!!” “Fine! just go for it!” But something would stop me and each time I’d drop the trying (there’s that word again) and surrender to the process of OMing.
Clearly there’s not anything *wrong* with using visualizations in life. And of course there is nothing wrong with climaxing. But one of the things I love about OMing is the invitation to drop all the various ways we buffer from being in the present moment. Living in visualizations is a step out of present moment- it is a subtle (or sometimes overt) way to live from/off of mental images as opposed to being in direct experience itself. Living in imagination can be great fun, but mental activity is always a step out of the moment. Raw sensation happens in real time- they happens in the present now. And there is so much to feel, here and now. So much!!!
I love how OMing brings me to experience the present moment over and over. Here and now- where there is nothing to do and no where to go but follow guidance of Now- attuned to/with the intense aliveness of raw sensations.