Commit to you.

“Would you like to OM?”

“Yes.”

Sometimes it seems so simple- make an offer, get an answer. Hear an offer, give an answer.  “Would you like to OM?”  “Yes.”  “No.”  Simple, right?

Then there are times where it’s more like this:  Consider and then think about making an offer/the answer. Worry and get anxious about making an offer/the response. Getting excited about making an offer/the answer but hesitate. And so on.  All the various contents and details can feel complicated! Sometimes it’s almost a miracle that we humans can get past our thoughts at all!

This morning when my OM partner asked if I wanted to OM I was hesitant. We had had a sensitive discussion earlier in the day and weren’t feeling very connected.  OMing is such an amazing vehicle for inviting connection but sometimes defense and vigilance get in the way. In a split second my thoughts offered reasons to say no. Immediately I checked into a space that is beyond thoughts, and found an opening. The no had vanished. At first I was going to respond “sure.”  But I wanted to commit, really commit, and I could feel that the “sure” wasn’t all in. I checked in again and I could feel the clear resonance: “Yes,” I replied. I was all in- consciously all in. From that place of self connectivity, I was able to immediately start to connect with my OM partner, even before he arrived. My OM started from the moment I committed to the yes.

Connecting and committing to my Yes’ and  No’s feels important and extends way beyond OMing into life in general. OM’ing has helped me to connect to my inner resonance so that I can more readily land in a Yes or No, as opposed to the land of complication that I wrote about earlier.

It doesn’t really matter if it’s a yes or a no- just settle into and let go of the rest. Stay the course.  Doing this has allowed me to commit to showing up on the planet, with others, and most importantly with myself. It weeds out dissonance and distraction, and allows for the energy to streamline into purpose. Without being clear in my  yes’ or no’s, I leave a gap of attention wide open- this gap can suck the creative and focus out of my life, as a plethora of random chitter chatter, doubt, defense and dissonance take over.

Yes’ and No’s aren’t permanent. They don’t last forever. A yes or a no has the freedom to change, but commit to it first. Let it run it’s course, so you can experience the benefit of really showing up for yourself and your life.

 

 

 

Heaven and Earth

I felt particularly chill before our OM yesterday. I’d just had a nice bike ride, and it felt good to connect with the floor. I could feel the supportive nature of the floor and that turned me on- it was warm from the sun coming through the windows and felt soft yet solid under my body. My skin, my body… I was pleased.

As I laid back situating my legs and feet I wondered if I’d have an intention for this OM. Even thought i hadn’t cognitively connected with the word support earlier, it was in my lived experience and in my attention, so it naturally flowed into my mind- my intention was to connect to how I was being supported in each moment.

I dropped the intention and breathed into my being. Very quickly after the OM started my attention b-lined from my clit, where my partner’s finger was VERY softly stroking my clit (so softly that i felt more energy than stroke),  up through my throat, up through what felt like an energetic thread, to a space “beyond”.  A very refined energy was in my attention. No content, but the words I could use to try and “get at” this experience are: sweet, delicate, yet powerful and immense. Attention hovered here for awhile. My clit/his finger took up little attention or interest, had little substance. My pussy was adulating periodically, and kriyas spontaneously shot up though my body, which seemed to “flare” the energy center where my attention was mainly playing with- the space “beyond.” In general my pussy was not in my attention, and it seemed that there wasn’t a lot of sensation there. My partner and I had recently had a conversation about OMing and sex, and I noted that although there was tremendous aliveness and turnedonness, nothing that i was experiencing was what one might label as sexual, or referencing sexual activity of any sort.

At some point attention fell into my heart and i felt an overwhelming energy presence there. I felt tears fall down my cheeks, and the beginning of a wave of emotion was building. I had no content but my mind was looking for some, as if to give “reason” for this overwhelming presence. As I noticed that, the need for story fell away, and the sensation was just free to be experienced.

At some point my pussy began to undulate quite a bit, and  attention turned toward this happening. I felt my pussy’s waves, her pushes and pulls. I felt the surges of energy pulsate through my body. I got curious of the openings and closings. I played with the closings, inviting the openings to open more, and the closings to soften – not because there was anything  wrong with the rhythmic movement, but just because I could. At one point I imagined my pussy opening and softening “beyond” – up and out. My partner later told me he had a significantly sweet experience right around that time.

Throughout the OM attention periodically dropped in and out of the form of my body and the solid floor beneath. I felt many times how my sacrum in particular was supported by the floor, was held. This felt profound. After one such noticing the energy dropped “down and in” through my lower chakras, through my legs, and the space beyond form. I felt my body lengthen, as if my legs were getting longer. It was like I had widened my system to the heavens earlier, and now was widening my system to the earthly.

I got a bit mental for a bit. I haven’t been making requests in my OMs lately and that dropped into my attention. I decided to make one, just for the sake of making one- knowing that requests are there to support me, in a variety of ways. I hesitated bc nothing was wrong, and i didn’t want to “ruin” a good thing. My OM partner and I have talked about this before, and I remembered how nothing can be ruined, just new experiences can be had. So I made a request. I felt the response on my pussy. I felt the support of my partners finger, and of him as he checked in with me.

It was really sweet for me to have this OM experience- all it’s bits (the mental activity, the doings, the sensations, the deep expansiveness, etc) felt like they were for me- were truly supporting the beingness of this person named Lisa on this planet called Earth.

Safe to be me, part 2

I sat down to write about my morning OM. Instead, out popped this. I decided for it to be it’s own post, and write about my OM in separate post. This post 🙂

What can I say, it’s been a few hours so I’ve forgotten the specific intention that I melded with as my OM began. But it was something along the lines of inviting myself to be safe with being me, however that showed up.

This is what I noticed for the first part of the OM: wave after wave of orgasms dancing up my body, down my body, beneath me, above me and inside me. The waves seemed to be birthed from my strokers fingers on my clit, but attention itself was in the waves, as opposed to his finger/my clit.

For awhile now I’ve been exploring  “time and space” with regards to sensations- OMing provides such a good container for that! During today’s OM I noticed that “pools of energy” were in my attention-  at first they seemed localized in my body, but then would  “hoover” outside of that particular location and move around- outside- my body. As these explorations happened, waves of energy continued to shoot throughout my body, and gasps of sound came out of my mouth. Even though my daughter was on the other side of the door, my entire system felt safe to feel whatever I was feeling and to “sound out” whatever was organically wanting to be vocalized. I felt a deep freedom to be me- a person who feels deeply, who feels intensely, who expresses.

A split second later my attention laser beamed to my pussy- it was as if my attention had rediscovered my partner’s finger and my clit making sweet love. The sudden discovery of this was overwhelmingly yummy. What had been out of my attention was now front and center, and I was overcome by swirling energies all throughout my pussy. My attention was now fully engaged there. What started as clit/finger sensations became much larger, deeper, and wider. At one point it felt like I could feel the entirely of my clit-not just the part where my partners finger met, but the “wishbone” parts that run along side my pussy on both sides. I could feel the “wings” of my clit pull and squeeze and pulse and vibrate. It felt like there was a surging of energy from the tips of the wings all the way up to the “head” of my clit.

This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this kind of engagement, or should I say engorgement,  but something felt different about it. Laying flat on my back, there was no doing on my part required. I was simply there to receive, feel and allow. I felt safe to do all three. My pussy and my clit were fully safe and free to engage in this deeper way of being- to “make themselves known” in an intimate and fine tuned way. I was safe to be me.

 

Safe to be me, part 1

There is an ongoing discovery… that it truly is safe to be me, however it is that “me” shows up in the moment. This discovery repeats itself, over and over, as my embodiment journey reveals full variations of aliveness.

This aliveness that shows up through/in/as me is sometimes experienced as expansive, spacious, wondrous, blissful and loving. Other times it’s experiences as uncertain, cautious, and watchful. And other times it’s experienced as paranoid, fearful, and overwhelmed. These alivenesses flow through each other, in and out of each other- arising, dissolving, transforming, birthing and dying.

The levels of “ok-ness” and “not ok-ness” that shows up throughout these different experiences varies. Sometimes there is a full allowance of the full variation of what’s showing up. Sometimes there is a dance of allowance and resistance- and the mindfulness of that. And occasionally my reptilian brain triggers a fight flight or flee response which puts self awareness on shut down and there is not any perceived okness- it is as if I am truly not safe to be here. That too gets noticed, gets attended to, is perceived.

I have become increasingly intimate with these aspects of my humanity- these alivenesses: how they viscerally and energetically feel in my body and the mental activity that arise with them, and how that mental activity feels.  I’m reminded of one of my favorite quotes: “With awareness comes choice.” The more intimate I become with myself- the more I get to know myself-the more conscious and aware I become.

The world is experienced as safe when experiences don’t point to something being wrong.  The world becomes an amusement park full of all different kinds of rides and adventures. Within the park there is joy, fear, love, sadness, anger, exuberance, peace and surrender.  Embrace the variance and explore the depths of your humanity in this huge amusement park we call life. Get to know the textures of this variation and depth. Feel them deep in your being. Make friends with perceiving- make friends with the truth of you.