An OM coach asked if I was up for an experiment during my next OM. I love experiments! Yes!
The experiment, or the invitation, was basically to keep sound in. Sometimes sound can be used to please the stroker, or to to avoid taking a sensation in deeper, or for other various reasons. Although I had already studied sound in my OMing journey, I was curious to get to know myself more wrt sound- there’s always more to learn!
I took the experiment seriously- perhaps too seriously. Not making sound slipped in as a kind of agenda, I came to later realize. And upon reflection it’s clear that vigilance also slipped in. Agenda and vigilance? You might already know where this OM was headed.
The OM was one of the deadest of my OMing career. I could feel tightness in my back and arms. My attention was heavily centered on my mouth and vocal cords- in general my head. I was aware of some sensations flowing through my body, and sounds did spontaneously gasp out of my mouth at times but I was so tuned in to the sounds that I was tuned out of/off from the flow that created the sound. The sensations in my pussy felt muted, and I requested twice that my stroker use more pressure, which is extremely rare for me (and I’m now wondering is a sign that there is vigilance or agenda going on because dulled sensations in my pussy showed up in the OM prior where there was the agenda to ground). My system literally felt broken.
After this OM we decide to OM again. And it wasn’t until I OM’d without restraint that I was able to get a sense of what might have happened.
In restricting my use of sound, my voice to express had inadvertently been stifled. I’m not talking about my voice to express to my partner. I’m talking about my voice to express to me/as me. I had repressed my orgasm’s expression and in doing so had repressed my sense of aliveness and connection to life itself. Sounds can be a powerful expression of the celebration of aliveness, and to purposefully control and withhold that felt deadening and cut off from my orgasm.
I loved the experiment because I do see how woman are trained to please men at every turn, including through our vocal responses. And I do agree that sound can be used to dissociate or turn away from our bodies. And I understand that sound can be a kind of performance. Through this experiment, however, I got to see how rarely I use my voice in an OM for anything other than an expression of orgasm, and I got to feel how awful it is to not freely connect to that expressive life force- however it is that it wants to reveal itself. Orgasm is revealed in many ways. Be curious how it is revealed for you. Honor- and enjoy!- how it flows for you.