Variation of orgasm

OMers often talk about how a in 15 minute OM we get to experience a microcosm of the macrocosm. We get to experience the vastness (or an aspect of the vastness-after all, one only has so much attention) of life in a 15 minute segment: the part reflecting the whole.

I find this true every time I OM, in different ways each time. Here’s how it showed up with my most recent OM- I’ll get there eventually, bare with me.

Life is full of variation. Hardness, softness. Bigness, smallness. Opening, closing. Contracting, release. Joy, pain. Resistant, allowing. And the lands in-between.  None of these experiences or variations being good or bad, right or wrong- it’s just what we get to experience as human beings.

With regard to variation, I wonder, what is the opposite of orgasm? Is there such a thing? As I contemplate variation with regards to a recent OM I remember a peak orgasmic experience- maybe what i’d call the “highest point” of the OM with regards to variation of experience. In his frame my partner shared something like, “I didn’t know what was coming or going!”  In my frame I described the energy like a volcano. The energy was BIG. It was shooting up through my body and out my crown, and down my legs and into Earth. My pussy was on fire.  My orgasm crescendo’d in immense pleasure! And then, all of the sudden, I found myself spit out into the other end of the variation spectrum- into fear. I was catapulted from one variance of bigness to another variance of bigness. From wow, to wow. From bliss yum to fear yum mixed with yikes!

In my reality tunnel life is magical when I allow myself to feel the richness of life- feeling the full expression/richness of life. It’s like a magical reward system of the universe. Some might consider “fear yikes” to be a punishment, but when there’s not story attached to it, when it’s known to be “just” another experience, then it become yummy because of of how vast it too is. Variance is what gives life it’s bounty. I experience great heights because I’ve experienced great depths. I experience amazing bliss because I’ve also experienced pain. And because I know that the truth of who I am isn’t a blissful state or a painful state, there gets to be the full allowance and expression of both.

Back to the OM- I was in full out bliss, body adulating in pleasure, suddenly catapulted to full out fear, tears rolling down my cheeks and body shaking, in what felt like just a moment. I felt the collected unconscious feminine within me- the vigilance and fear of exposure- of being hurt. I literally heard the words- “please don’t hurt me.” I allowed myself to feel the full variation of what had become my present moment reality, and I shook and cried. The orgasmic wave of this fear peaked quickly and  it was already shifting when I noticed that my partner was also crying, and I felt his tear drops hit my leg.

The wave continued to dance, the energy continuing to calm. The bell rang, and he grounded me. I needed him to ground me a little longer as I could feel the fear still integrating.  I made my request, and he complied. He safeported me, literally. When I felt ready I let him know and we transitioned out of the OM.

A microcosmic expression of the macrocosm. A universe of experience in 15 minutes. Yum.

 

Oming as a sex practice

My OM partner and I routinely chat about how OMing relates to sex, sexuality, sexual practices, etc.  There’s a lot to explore in that topic, some of which has to do with semantics but more so with what we conceptually attach to sex- in other words, our meaning making. It’s a big topic. It’s a curious topic.

I hadn’t even realized it until about 3/4 through the OM I started to be flooded with pleasure in my clit. MMMMMMMM and YES!  I wondered if I was going to climax. I noticed the stroke was firmer than usual. I wondered if I could make myself have a climax. I had a thought of having sex with my neighbor. And then BOOM my attention was no longer localized on my clit. My clit remained in my attention, I continued to experience pleasure, but attention was also back to the totality of my body- my attention was back in Aliveness, as opposed to “sex.”

In yesterday’s OM my clit was stroked for 15 minutes- my clit, which is basically considered a sexual organ. But even though my sexual organ was being directly stroked, the entire time, concepts related to climax or sexual acts or clit focused pleasure were a small small small fraction of that 15 minutes. Which is why, for me, I often don’t think of OMing as a sexual practice even though it’s centered around my sexual organ. OMing is *so much more.*   And, perhaps we’re back to semantics. 🙂

I don’t have issue when my attention becomes clit focused or even “sex focused” during an OM. That can be hella fun!  And, over all, I find that when the rest of my body is also within attention there is a richer and more profound experience with Aliveness. Perhaps not better, just different.

OMing and the nervous system

I’ve been really studying my nervous system. Yeah, I get how that might sound bizarre. But i’ve been getting to know it intimately- how it feels when it’s amped up or cut off, and ways i can nurture it and support it.

My nervous system is really wise. She knows what’s up, and if i pay attention she will reveal to me what needs attending to. And, if i do that, it will happily release old pain body build up. If I take care of her, she will most definitely take care of me.

I’d had a very intense day- earlier in the morning  i had journeyed into some deep situated conditioning and my body literally shook as layer after layer was released/integrated. By the time our OM took place I felt  available and open for exploration.

One really fun thing that I experienced was as my partner slowly stroked upwards on my clit, i simultaneously felt a stroke happening from my heart up through my throat and out the top of my head. Oh, the delight!

But what I really want to express is my curiousity of how my nervous system gets impacted by OMing. (I’m super curious if this has ever been studied- and i’m guessing yes.) What I experienced today was what felt like a primordial connection to my nervous system, from my tail bone all the way up to my spine in particularly, but also emanating down my legs, hovering around my body, and around my crown. At one point i had the visual of a double helix/infinity sign weaving through my system, as if there was some kind of reset or integration happening.

This was one of the most grounding OMs I can remember in a long time. My system felt like it was fully on line- I had no noticeable vigilance (cognitively or somatically) and was quite present to body, mind and soul.

I can’t imagine the benefits OMing has on the nervous system- i’d love to hear if there is any research happening on this front!