Variation of orgasm

OMers often talk about how a in 15 minute OM we get to experience a microcosm of the macrocosm. We get to experience the vastness (or an aspect of the vastness-after all, one only has so much attention) of life in a 15 minute segment: the part reflecting the whole.

I find this true every time I OM, in different ways each time. Here’s how it showed up with my most recent OM- I’ll get there eventually, bare with me.

Life is full of variation. Hardness, softness. Bigness, smallness. Opening, closing. Contracting, release. Joy, pain. Resistant, allowing. And the lands in-between.  None of these experiences or variations being good or bad, right or wrong- it’s just what we get to experience as human beings.

With regard to variation, I wonder, what is the opposite of orgasm? Is there such a thing? As I contemplate variation with regards to a recent OM I remember a peak orgasmic experience- maybe what i’d call the “highest point” of the OM with regards to variation of experience. In his frame my partner shared something like, “I didn’t know what was coming or going!”  In my frame I described the energy like a volcano. The energy was BIG. It was shooting up through my body and out my crown, and down my legs and into Earth. My pussy was on fire.  My orgasm crescendo’d in immense pleasure! And then, all of the sudden, I found myself spit out into the other end of the variation spectrum- into fear. I was catapulted from one variance of bigness to another variance of bigness. From wow, to wow. From bliss yum to fear yum mixed with yikes!

In my reality tunnel life is magical when I allow myself to feel the richness of life- feeling the full expression/richness of life. It’s like a magical reward system of the universe. Some might consider “fear yikes” to be a punishment, but when there’s not story attached to it, when it’s known to be “just” another experience, then it become yummy because of of how vast it too is. Variance is what gives life it’s bounty. I experience great heights because I’ve experienced great depths. I experience amazing bliss because I’ve also experienced pain. And because I know that the truth of who I am isn’t a blissful state or a painful state, there gets to be the full allowance and expression of both.

Back to the OM- I was in full out bliss, body adulating in pleasure, suddenly catapulted to full out fear, tears rolling down my cheeks and body shaking, in what felt like just a moment. I felt the collected unconscious feminine within me- the vigilance and fear of exposure- of being hurt. I literally heard the words- “please don’t hurt me.” I allowed myself to feel the full variation of what had become my present moment reality, and I shook and cried. The orgasmic wave of this fear peaked quickly and  it was already shifting when I noticed that my partner was also crying, and I felt his tear drops hit my leg.

The wave continued to dance, the energy continuing to calm. The bell rang, and he grounded me. I needed him to ground me a little longer as I could feel the fear still integrating.  I made my request, and he complied. He safeported me, literally. When I felt ready I let him know and we transitioned out of the OM.

A microcosmic expression of the macrocosm. A universe of experience in 15 minutes. Yum.

 

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