Vigilance is on my mind a lot, so naturally that’s what showed up in attention during today’s OM. My boyfriend and I had/are having another “thing”, and my system was feeling some “ouch” this morning. I laid down with my “stranger OM partner” and got into position- no problem. Then came the pleasure, and thats when I noticed my vigilance. Is it safe to feel pleasure? But what I’m really asking is, is it safe to open. Is it safe to open, now, while i’m feeling the burn from last night?
I’m laying there, legs wide open with my stranger OM partner. I notice my vigilance. Legs wide open. Clit exposed. My arms out to the side making my heart exploded. Can I trust myself to be open? I remember that this guy isn’t my boyfriend and my system relaxes. I come back to now, this moment. This stroke, this breath. This experience of pleasure. Yes, it’s safe to open.
Pleasure suddenly becomes my study as I notice that I both crave it and notice the vigilance with it. I feel my pleasure and I feel my vigilant response. Is it safe to feel pleasure? I keep reminding myself that I’m with my stranger OM guy, and he’s just here to stroke my clit. *He’s just here to stroke my clit.* My system finds relief in that. I open.
It’s been awhile since we’ve OMd and so I have to give some instruction and make requests. I feel vigilance come through my voice- there’s an urgency. I’m grateful for the noticing, and remind myself that this guy is just here to stroke my clit. My system softens. My voice softens. I open. I guide him back to my pleasure, and feel what comes with that. I continue to feel both the desire to turn toward my pleasure and to turn away from it. Opening, closing. I feel a deep desire within me to meet pleasure without turning away. I meet my desire to open to pleasure. I open to pleasure and then something takes over and I open and open and open. Tears. My pleasure speaks and moves through my body and voice. I notice vigilance from time to time, showing up as self consciousness of my requests and in my responses. I remind myself that this is my clit, that this is my OM. He’s just here to stroke my clit. I feel safe. I open.
I feel like i got to open to my pleasure in a new way. The synchronicity of it all is marvelous- I’ve been contemplating the subtexts of pleasure the last couple days, particularly what feels like the incoming invitation to open more fully to receiving pleasure. I can sense that deeper levels of pleasure await me as my sense of vigilance continues to fall away. I can feel how this OM has propelled this exploration into consciousness. Thank you OM!