I’m writing a larger piece on om’ing and will, something I’ve been studying for some time, so I think the topic of will is what’s going to show up in this morning’s OM.
But instead what keeps showing itself is vigilance. Or rather the lack of vigilance. Despite this guy being a stranger, despite his lack of refinement, despite so many possible variables which could get in the way of me being relaxed and open, I am relaxed and I am open. I’m pleasantly surprised at my how free I feel to express my pleasure and I keep surprising myself throughout the OM.
Something feels different a bit different with all this, and I wonder how my exploration of will is influencing this, but I’m too busy in my pleasure to stay with that.
I feel the swirls of energy and I’m able to ride them deep and wide, and let them take me to cacophonic heights through my moans and gasps that happen so spontaneously that they surprise even me. My system is turned in, and turned on, and at times my own pleasure gives rise to more pleasure. I’m on a loop. I’m flying- not out of my body, but deep into my body, deeply though out my body, as well as the space all around my body. My field goes inward, and outwards. My pleasure weaving everywhere.
The cycles come and go, come and go. And go. And I wait. And I notice that there’s not much going on. And I wonder what he’s thinking. And I wonder where my clit is, and I wonder… and then BOOM a wave of energy shoots through me and my clit is undulating and I arch and I gasp and I moan and my body writhes as the undulations seem to taking over all of me. I delight in whats here, this aliveness that feels spacious and expansive.
I feel gratitude at being surprised by the moment. As I type that I find myself PROFOUNDLY grateful at how, in my life, I find myself surprised by the present moment. I feel delight and turned on with the resonance of that. And humbled. This too feels related to lack of vigilance, and perhaps also to will. I feel the mystery of life. There is such richness here, and I find myself smiling.