There are a couple things on my mind from my last OM.
- How fast it is that we make interpretations, draw conclusions, and go into a reality that is not based on the reality we’re actually in.
- How the inclination to care what people think leads us to alter our behaviors. Even when those people are strangers.
- Contemplating those two brings me to the invitation to “stay the course.
Slow down. Slow. Slower. Slow WAY down. More slow please.
I requested that my OM partner slow down maybe 20 times during our last OM. It was awesome for me in that I got to practice making requests. I got to practice making the same request over and over. I got to practice making a request that may have sounded absurd after a certain point, but kept on making it because that’s what I wanted. I got to make a request and experience what it was like for the request not to be met, and keep going after what I was wanting. I got to make this request over and over and over AND OVER and not stop until it was met. And then make it again when I wanted it again.
Later, as we were chatting about OMing, he shared that he was sure that based on what he was seeing and the sounds he was hearing (i.e. my orgasm) that I wanted him to stroke faster, to bring me to climax. That was the prefect opportunity for me to share, to clarify, that OMing isn’t about climax, in fact it’s not even a sexual practice for me.
I know that sounds odd. And for you (dear reader) it may be odd- it may be so completely foreign based on your own ideas of sex and your body/sensations. And it’s totally fine if you consider it a sexual activity or a sexual process. But for me it totally makes sense to to call OMing a non-sexual practice.
Oming is a study of attention. It’s a study of rawness. It’s a study of what happens before meaning making and concept making deliver us to belief and interpretation. As opposed to the practice of OMing, when we’re in overtly sexual relations it’s common for sounds and movements and fluids and all sorts of things to reference meaning making . These things become signals of a sort- they can be used as information that tells us it’s time to change movements, or shift positions, or go faster, or slower, etc. Sex can be thought of a game of purposeful stimulus response, with a particular response seeming to say something and invite particular responses. For example, as a climax approaches in a sexual interaction it might just naturally follow that speed increase, or pressure increase, or stroke change. (Of course this depends on the couple, the context and a variety of other factors.)
OM’ing, for me, is a meditation. There is no goal. No agenda other than to experience the present moment. As such, it’s vital to stay the course. Finger on clit. Attention on finger, on clit. Attention on one’s own response to finger, on clit. Attention on perceiving. Attention on attention. Stay the course. Stroke, by stroke, perception by perception- stay the course. Do not leave the course. Do not deviate from the course. Stay the course.
There are a million ways we leave the course. We go into thought. We go into stories. We go into assumptions. We go into beliefs. We tell tall tales, and in the process, we leave the present moment. In the present moment there are loads of percievings- the experiences of sensations. And we can either meet and be with those, or we can turn away from them and reference thoughts. Culture encourages the second, OMing encourages the first.
When treated as a meditation, as a study of attention, it increases our ability to be intimate with the present moment. When we stay with this as our focus, when we stay the course of studying attention and direct experience, we stay in the present moment. From here we experience the fullness of orgasm.