“Everyone needs to ask for the adjustment she desires … we each need to take responsibility for our own selected journey , so that we may choose the ride our body travels on.” From an OM Facebook group. I adore this quote.
I continue to revisit how I notice the strokes in life and my responses; my openings, my closings, my requests, my expressions, my orgasm. It’s easy to loose relationship with this way of viewing life. It’s easy to just zone out. And I find it so rich and helpful to zoom in though. Why not be as present as possible, while I’m here?
Part of this study of paying attention to strokes, is paying attention to strokes with regard to/in relationship to containers. There’s various containers- my container of physical beingness (how i am in relationship with myself), the container between a parent and child, the OM container, the container between platonic acquaintance, the container between committed lovers, and so on. These different containers all have their different flavors. They all have their different strokes.
The container established in an OM can be such a delight. Simple. Clear. Clean. Mutual agreements between mature adults. Accountability. There are containers “in life” that can mimic the microcosmic OM container, and when I find these containers they are so amazing and valuable. I am grateful to have many such containers in my life- they provide me with support and also help me expand because I am able to explore my edge in these containers. Because my own personal container benefits from these kinds of containers it is imperative to have conscious and quality based containers in my life.
Have you ever become used to clean and clear containers while OMing and then experience the opposite of that? It’s rather jarring. For me, it’s the same in life. I know how wonderful it feels to have clean and clear life containers. It can feel jarring, even nerve wracking, when I’m used to clean and clear containers and I wind up in the absence of that.
I often set myself up when it comes to creating the kind of container I want. Unlike in OMing, it’s not so cut and dry. Sometimes I falsely assume that I have a particular kind of container- maybe based on hopes and dreams, maybe based on positive past experiences, maybe it’s disillusionment. It’s important for me to pay attention to my interactions and to the strokes in the interactions. Paying attention, and then making distinctions, decreases the set ups, and the upset.
When I slow down and pay attention, I can notice the strokes of the people I’m interacting with, and I can get a sense of the container we have. Are they harsh? Are they defensive? Are they hidden? Are they heady? Are they curious? Are they coming from the heart, or from fear? Are they off the mark, repeatedly? Do they deny my requests? Do they ignore my requests? Do they just do whatever they want, in spite of my requests? Maybe they simply do not have the capacity to take my requests in, and adjust as needed.
If I am wanting soft strokes (for example), and my stroker is never able to give me soft strokes, I’m not going to OM with him. If I’m wanting presence, and what shows up is defense, I’m less likely to OM- literally and metaphorically. These kinds of distinctions are useful in respecting my own container of being. And these kinds of distinctions are useful in deciding who (and how) I’m going to spend time with in life.
As I study strokes and containers, it’s useful to watch my system try to adjust to the stroke. Sometimes the adjustment can come in the form of making a request. Sometimes it can come from saying no. Sometimes it can come from me moving, toward or away. Adjustments in an OM feel so easy to me these days. Adjustments in life? Not so easy. Sometimes I still try to appease or avoid conflict. Sometimes I dumb myself down. And sometimes I imagine I have a particular kind container with someone, when I really don’t.
To tune in to adjustment necessitates that I get really honest with myself. Am I self sacrificing/sabatoging to try to get something to work? Or am I acknowledging how the stroke feels, and being true to that, express from there?
My personal container feels the difference. My personal container craves clean and clear. It thrives in support and nourishment. It also thrives on being able to vulnerability and moving from places that push my edge. It feels important to mention this last sentence because some people might assume the container i’m looking for is one of 100% safety where I can promptly go to sleep. No, thanks. I’m interested in waking up. As odd as it might sound, making distinctions/being particular about my own personal container and the containers I “live in” seems to assist in waking up. If you’ve OMed, this becomes crystal clear.
Integrity within my personal container and with containers in life is immensely satisfying. It’s not easy. It requires turning away from what doesn’t work. It might mean endings, and that can be hard. But when I move from what’s true, as opposed to what i’m wanting to be true or hoping to be true, my life is richer and fulfilling. Paying attention to strokes and to the flow of who I’m playing with in life makes me feel more alive as my energy is not dumped or sucked. My orgasm thanks me.