I think I was the bossiest I’ve ever been in today’s OM. I have some slight aversion to being bossy- probably because of the societal connotation that being bossy has. When someone’s called bossy, it’s usually an insult. When a female is called bossy, there’s often a lingering connotation that she’s a bitch. Or rude. Or arrogant. Or or or or…
I just looked it up. Bossy: fond of giving people orders; domineering. synonyms: pushy, overbearing, imperious, officious, high-handed, authoritarian, dictatorial, controlling . Omg yeah, negative connotations for sure. I mean, who wants to be thought of as controlling? Or authoritarian? Or pushy? I can hear my lineage speaking now “That is no way to be a lady!” Women who have such characteristics are labeled as bitches. And sometimes even worse- they’re labeled as women who are trying to be men. Oh, the irony.
But I gave myself permission to be bossy today. Because, after all, my body, my clit, my orgasm are at the center of an OM experience. If I don’t have to be “the right” to be bossy in an OM, where do I have the right to be bossy? Well, turns out, I have the right to be bossy any time my being is involved. Oh, delight!
Once again the micro cosmic of OMing demonstrates the macrocosm. OF COURSE I have the right to be bossy with regard to my own pussy. How absurd to think otherwise. But absurdity is the culture in which I live, and absurdity has infiltrated my life in almost every way. Although I’m a confident woman, and although I know how to get my needs met sexually, I’ve learned how to make this happen in the most exquisitely acceptable ways. I’ve massively used my vocal cords through moans and squeals to get my needs met. I’ve moved my body into positioning to get my needs met. I’ve used vibrators to get my needs met. Of course none of these approaches are bad- in fact they’ve gotten me loads of pleasure. But at times they’ve also kept me distant from a deeper level of being.
I’ve managed to avoid taking the reigns of my sexuality in more overt active ways at times because in our culture it’s just not acceptable to be this way. I mean, fuck! I already threaten most of the men I wind up sexual involved with, in some way or another (i.e., in bed or out). The remedy? I have to tone it down, right? WRONG!!! I need to be partnered with people who aren’t threatened so easily, and more importantly I need to be partnered with myself as I connect to what I want, what my orgasm wants, and what my pussy wants.
The microcosm of OMing gives me the perfect container for “being bossy” with regards to my wants. I get to make requests over and over and over until I’m satisfied. Until my pussy is satisfied. Until my orgasm is satisfied. These requests are at the heart of an OM. They gift me with empowerment. They gift me with responsibility for myself. They gift me with the gift of me.
In today’s OM the first few minutes were spent with me “being bossy”- making unapologetic requests-“giving orders and being domineering.” To the right. To the left. Up more. Down more. Right there. Slower. Softer. Yes, there. Shorten the stroke. Lighten the stroke. As I heard myself, I was: pleased, mortified, entertained, bewildered, fascinated. Wow, look at me go!!! I’m being bossy! YES I AM! My pussy. My orgasm. My body. Why would I not be? I know why I wouldn’t be and why I haven’t been. I’ve been afraid. Afraid of being bossy. Afraid of hurting the person’s feelings. Afraid of being too much. Afraid of being demanding. Afraid of “being THAT woman.” Afraid of being a woman, connected to her own body, and moving from that. Afraid of being THAT woman.
In today’s OM, I was that woman. I was self responsible, self aware, self empowered. I was bossy and I was orgasmic. I moaned and I shook. I tightened and I released. I soared high and I sank low. I was connected to my wants, and moved from that. I did this with my stranger OM dude, not some person I’m deeply intimate with. My intimacy with myself was all I needed. I flew, I crashed, I bossed, and I orgasmed.
OMing has taught me that being bossy is a good thing, in the OM container and out of the container. OMing has taught me that getting what I want is my responsibility- in the container and out. OMing has taught me that my pleasure is vital- in the container and out. OMing has taught me that satisfaction and my orgasm are mine- in and out of the container. OMing has taught me that I have the capacity to be empowered- in and out of the container. OMing has taught me how to not be afraid of myself. OMing has taught me how to revere myself, and to make requests so that I am honored- and so that I can have the moments/life I want to have.