The fuck its… to fuck yes!

From 0-10 in seconds. Makes me wonder if I’m really ever at 0, or if it’s just the design of the clit to get turned on that fast. 😉

This was one of those OMs where my attention was largely consumed with my clit. I felt rushes jolt up my body as usual, but the majority of attention was centered on finger and clit- and the energetic sphere of the orgasm happening in that area.

You know when you have committed to something, and in the end it’s just too hard, and so you say “fuck it!”? I felt that throughout the OM. I saw images of me mounting my OM partner. I knew I could vocalize myself to climaxing. I knew I could easily take myself to oxytocin heaven any time I wanted. I could feel that “fuck it.”  I persevered. I said no to the “fuck it.” I persevered past the images, past the thoughts, past the mental happenings and kept dropping back down to the raw sensations that I *was* feelings, not the ones that I was edging with my imagination. Holy shit is that a fine line.

The reality we live in is so disguised with imagination that sometimes it seems impossible to stay present in direct experience. Which, of course, is the beauty of the design OM- it’s set up for us to do exactly that, if we are up to the challenge/exploration. It takes such willingness and readiness. And a knowing that what is *here* is always so much more profound and sustainably alive then anything else ever could be.

Back to that orgasmic energetic sphere. I like that phrase- it has a good ring to it. Jumping to the end of the OM, his finger and my clit were engage in a lovely dynamic. Smooth, slow, perfect pressure. Orgasm was in my body and around my body-  but it was particularly concentrated as that energetic sphere encompassing my clit.

As the first bell rang I was on an upward wave. There was something about this wave- maybe it was because of the timer calling “almost time” that brought a sense of urgency, but there was something about this wave that I wanted to ride. But it wasn’t just that. There was something about this wave that I wanted to control. I noticed that inkling to be in control and then instead I kept surrendering to the wave itself, over and over. As I did the wave kept getting bigger. My hips would start to push- as soon as i noticed the expression I surrendered and settled. And the wave kept moving upward. I rode on. My vocal cords wanted to release sounds of ecstasy. I noticed and surrounded. I rode on. My breathing became more pant like. I rode on. I wanted to move like a wild animal. I felt like I was on running for a touch down and I was arriving at the end zone and I *knew* how to get there. I could indeed push toward the “end zone.”  I surrendered and rode on. The second bell rang, and the wave was still rising. My whole body was singing a song of pleasure and my clit was in full glory.

I came (no pun intended) to that pivotal moment where the container was calling to me. I knew there was no right or wrong way to proceed- that I could have stayed with that wave. But it felt like it was time to come back into the container. I let my partner know. As he grounded me the orgasmic waves continued to explode. Eventually things settled, and my heart started to burn and tears spilled from my eyes. I had met another edge. There was something vulnerable about exposing the depth and width of my orgasm to my OM partner. I felt no shame, just love for her sweet and tender heart of being.

After all this time, I am surprised to discover how i am still a bit “shy” by how much pleasure i experience in an OM. Said another, perhaps more accurate way, at how overcome I am at times by the experience of pleasure. How it takes me. And how at times how I’m not sure if I can fully surrender to it due to fears of being too much. Sometimes it feels like my orgasm may consume the entire world- she is so big and full and… hungry.

My system continues to grow wide and deep as I keep meeting my edges.  Taking in more,  feeling more. My orgasm is all mine. She is all me. I am so big, and so full, and so hungry. I have the capacity to feel it all. To be it all. To include it all.  And that is a beautiful experience. Fuck yes!

 

 

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