The unexpected gifts of OMing

I love how my OM practice extends out into life in mysterious ways!

Yesterday I had a lunch date. I set a timer for 20 minutes. We didn’t talk but a lot discovery took place in those 20 minutes. We kissed, touched, looked, breathed, vocalized. We felt.  A lot.

I didn’t realize until today that in some ways it was like an OM- there was a container of sorts that was set (clearly not as tight as a OM), there was constant conscious connection (stroking) happening, there was a lot of attention paid to sensations, and there was no agenda. This all just happened. It wasn’t planned. It seems like it “just happened” in part because my OMing contributes and influences my life in so many ways.

During those 20 minute there was no where to go, and nothing to do. Just go with the flow and be present with whatever was happening. Although no audible requests were made, we each moved in ways that supported the orgasm that was flowing between us, and made adjustments as resonated to support that orgasm. We weren’t trying to achieve any kind of state, or have a particular kind of experience, so we weren’t bound by any kind of agenda- which was immensely freeing. Sometime we moved fast, sometimes slow- however we moved, we did it with conscious awareness. Presence.

Without attention needing to go to the mental realm- figuring out, agenda, understanding or right/wrong, etc- attention is free to go to the senses. Wow, is it amazing to have so many resources available to feel, when we’re not busy thinking. I repeatedly consciously connected to my 5 (plus) senses and sky rocketed our orgasm. It was delightful to be so present- it felt so intensely nourishing and supportive for my being.

This delight- to really give the senses my attention- is available in any moment. And yet how quickly I go to the mental realm in different situations. Typing this out, as I recall different experiences I had throughout yesterday, I feel the deep invitation to forgo those activities and interactions that are more mentally dependent. They drain and do not nourish, and for the most part are not necessary in my life. I’m grateful for the continued gift of OMing and how it helps me to make distinctions for the health of my being, and am excited to continue to extend my OM learnings out beyond the cushion!

What is happening now?

That was my mantra this morning as I was out walking this spring morning- sun on my face, wind through my hair. There is always so much to notice and to experience, but it’s such a habit to think about what is happening now as opposed to be in the direct experience of what is happening now. There is quite a difference, experientially, between the two.

As I was getting comfortable for my OM this morning the intention to be aware of “what is happening now” came forth. Simple. First thing I noticed is that his stroke was too long. Second thing I noticed was “holy smokes! when he passes over my clit it’s crazy intense!” (I flashed back to a few days ago, when I realized that pussy had been quite sensitive lately- really on fire!)  Third thing I noticed was that even though it was intense,  I wanted the stroke more centered on the clit.

Through the intensity I managed to get these words out, “Pause, right there.  Stop for a second. You know where your finger is right now? That’s my clit.” I was having a hard time speaking. It took effort and concentration. It felt like my body was shaking. This was literally 20? seconds into the OM. Something was happening here that I was way unfamiliar with. I felt my vulnerability. I was keenly aware. I kept speaking even though it was challenging to do so, even thought it felt like I might fall apart.”Stay right in that area,” in instructed him, in what felt like shaky words, “slow and even.”

He did exactly as I’d requested. I continued to feel the trembling and the out of controlness. The intensity was almost too much. Almost.

I’d heard about women who can’t have their clit directly touched. Or stroked. Because it’s too painful. I’d never experienced that before. But for the first time I wondered if this is what they were experiencing.  I’m hesitant to call it pain because it didn’t feel like pain really. It just felt super intense. I could have asked for a softer stroke. But something really wanted to be studied with this pressure, this intensity.

From the get go my breaths were audible. And fast. Sound spurted out of me. My body jumped. Later my OM partner told me that one of my legs was shaking almost the whole time, and it felt like there was electricity coming out of it. I wasn’t able to discern the particularity of the leg shaking, but It felt like my whole system was trembling. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew I was on a ride that was going somewhere that I didn’t have familiarity with. “What is happening now?” grounded me.

I had the thought, “Oh I wish i was experiencing this with someone I had more intimacy with, because this is about too much.” There was my vigilance, wondering if it was safe enough for me to be this open, this raw, this exposed, with this person. In the next moment, I found that the answer was yes. Yes, I was safe enough to be experiencing this. To be out of control. For the orgasm to be living through me in this way. Vigilant thoughts stopped, and I was back to simply experiencing directly “what is happening now?”, as opposed to thoughts about what is happening now. The critical and analytical  part of the brain was quiet enough so that I was  able to be carried by this lived experience. I realize those are strange words, but these kinds of experiences are so ineffable sometimes. So yes- I was being carried by a lived experience. The thought “what is happening now?” faded, as I was consumed by the lived experience.

There were times when I was feeling SO much- legs shaking, sometimes yoni/hips/stomach shaking, heat consuming me, breathing erratic, etc. It really was a lot. If my brain was more on line I might have pushed the pause button, but that never crossed through my mind. There was just a stream of “yeses” with regards to what I was experiencing.

At one point I instinctually put my hands on his leg that was laying across my chest. I felt the solidity of the fabric, of substance, and felt grounded and safeported. Something about this allowed for me to fall even deeper into the lived experience. I felt so supported in my rawness that I could freely express my orgasm in ways that my vigilant centers would have censored in the past.

After the OM I felt so blown open that I didn’t want to move as I continued to feel consumed by the energy moving through my system. He told me that I was welcome to stay where I was and that he could show himself out, but I was mindful of the container and decided to get up. Which was nice on the one hand because I was able to connect with him about this really beautiful experience I’d just had, and also because I was reminded that this too was just an experience- and all experiences begin, and end. At the same time, I think it may have been useful to let myself gestate in what had transpired. Food for thought.

It felt amazingly freeing to feel such a level of rawness and vulnerability and openness with a person I see once a week. I shared with him how profound it was for me to have this deep level of support and presence from him. Sharing this also felt vulnerable for me.

While today’s OM was perhaps the most intense and profound OM I’ve ever experienced, I’m wary of making much of it- maybe because just about every OM feels so profound and amazing. I just know that I’m feeling a lot of gratitude for what OMing brings to my life.

 

Partnering Pussy and Power

Oh OM. It’s been awhile. I’ve been off in far away lands doing far away things. And I took my pussy, and my orgasm, with me. But I’m back, and my pussy is… well, excited.

It doesn’t take much for my pussy to be excited. What I find more important, and more enlivening, and more aligned with freedom, is to have my pussy and my inner knowing on line- together.

This has been a journey for me, having them both in alignment. I don’t know about you but i’ve fucked (and OM’d) when my inner knowing wasn’t on board. She had to take a back seat, so my pussy could have the front seat. That’s gonna happen sometimes.  My pussy is really vibrant and powerful, and she loves attention, and being in the front seat!

But there’s a cost when I leave my inner knowing behind. It’s tricky to always know how to describe the cost, but i’m guessing most women and maybe even most men get what i’m alluding to here. It has to do with integrity and authenticity. And it has to do with a clear resonance. These are all nuanced and unique in every moment, and it’s even hard to explain how it is that we know we’ve moved away from this inner knowing. For me there is often drama, child like (or immature-ish) behavior (often ID/pleasure seeking), and/or a superficial anxiety. And, a strong pull to outer reference as opposed to being internally aware. In short, there’s not a lot of empowering happening when we’ve sold out our inner knowing.

Thank goodness that my pussy and my inner knowing can SHARE the front seat. I know this, she knows this. It’s just a matter of intention, practice, and commitment. Ha! Not always easy, to be sure. For me, there has to be a readiness and a willingness to live from my depths as opposed to gratification or patterning. But moving from a place of depth and truth always yield expansiveness and freedom for me. And deep satisfaction. And a sense  of empowerment!

In today’s OM I asked to stay connected to my inner knowing. I didn’t necessarily recognize it when the OM was happening, but upon reflection-I was really in my power in this OM. I made very clear requests, openly, unexcusably and deliberately. My pussy and my inner truth were aligned and my mouth was their ally. I was confident and really grounded. I didn’t have any awkwardness or self consciousness.

My clit was very turned after a few quick adjustments. She was fucking on fire. I know the strokes were soft, slow and short, but it felt like the opposite because of how responsive my body was. I felt really free to breath and vocalize my orgasm moving through me. I remember being caught off guard by what was happening! I felt like i was over taken, in a good way. To be inner aligned- to be in my power- is such a freeing experience!

I repeated my intention a few times during the OM, and each time i did I’d be catapulted toward a deeper expression of orgasm. The orgasm would have a life of it’s own, literally- way beyond linear location or expression (i.e. what or where my mind thought it would be). As such my orgasm was large and wide and deep and loud. I could feel my own edge come forth- as my orgasm would take up “more room” I could feel my system’s edges contract a bit, and then an eventual surrendering to that. A beautiful dance.

To stay with my inner knowing is the kindest, most loving movement that exists. When I do this I really get to honor my truths and my depths. There is a pay off from that- expansion and a presences that keeps living way past when the OM is over. And it goes way beyond me. I can’t really do my work in the world if i’m not in alignment with who i am. And I’m doing important work, as I’m sure most of us are!  How beautiful that OMing allows me to practice this internal integrity.