“How can you make yourself prey like that?”
A friend asked me that when I was explaining OMing. I got it. And I think that most women who have OMed have had that question run through their minds. Maybe we haven’t always asked it with those words, but hell yeah! there is a lot of vulnerability lying there, flat on our backs, legs spread open, our pussy being looked at, scrutinized even. It’s quite easy to see how, from a certain perspective, one could feel How could we not feel like prey? (fwiw, i’m not saying we are actually prey, in the OM container, just that one could have that idea…) The sad truth is, well, we’re pretty used to it. Not that we’re fine with it. Not that we don’t even hate it sometimes. But we’re used to it, and, we’ve adapted. But I wonder if we’re really aware of how far it goes- how much we’ve adapted.
Someone, a male, once told me, “I’m constantly thinking about how I can get the woman I’m talking to to have sex with me.” He shared this with no shame or embarrassment. I’d witnessed this often in his interactions- his attention was often preying on women. It wasn’t just him- other men have shared this with me too. To a certain extent, in this culture, this is the “norm”- to objectify women, and to prey on them- energetically or through action. Sometimes it’s overt, but a lot of times its quite subtle, and even sublime. A toxic culture yielding toxic norms resulting in a predatory culture- becoming the air we often breath and live from.
To acclimate to the predatory culture we exist in, it’s no wonder we as females have sexually predatorized ourselves- over time we’ve unconsciously but purposefully objectified ourselves to make ourselves prey.
Think about it. In our consumerist society “beautifying” is a huge business- all the way from cosmetic surgery, to lingerie, to make up, to dieting and exercise. We’ve adapted in such a way as to basically make ourselves be attractive prey. (And when we don’t– we’re homely, unattractive, prudes, shy, conservative, masculine, fat, flabby, unhealthy, unkept, afraid of our femininity, and so on.) We know how to play the game, so much that sometimes we don’t even know that we’re playing a game- that we’re in the game. (And yes, we do it to men/other women, too.)
Do women **really** beautify ourselves to feel good? “Feel good” based upon what? Can we even separate how normal it has become to be prey, as well to preyed upon, from our autonomous well being? Complicated questions for sure. And no easy answers. But a lot to consider.
OMing- and being celibate for 6 months last year- have helped me wake up to more of my own patterning and the toxic culture that I have unconsciously acclimated to. It has been so easy for me to get swept away by a toxic society’s expectations as well as my own conditioned desires to be loved/wanted/etc. I have not only sexually predatized myself, but have sexually preyed on men/women- *I* have tried to get them to want/have sex with me. It is sad but also innocent that in our culture this is what it’s come to for me and many women to feel empowered. There can be another way though, I know this deep in my heart. OMing has helped me in seeing this.
I’m involved in a new relationship and am learning that while sexual predation may be the norm in this culture, it is a toxic norm. This new dude has not bought into masculine toxicity in the ways that so many of my past lovers have, and it’s simply blowing me away because, quite frankly, I’d convinced myself that “this is how it is” so thoroughly that it became safer for me to join the mindset then try to beat it. (And join it I did- I can predatize and objectify myself like no body’s business. And then I can prey on other from that predatitized state. The toxic cycle is vast.)
I just recently read a friend’s account of multiple ways he experienced sexual predation by people in power up positions, so I think the masculine is starting to recognize how sexual predation exists in our culture in overt ways. But we, as a culture, don’t realize is how covertly it happens- how it is woven itself into “normal” behavior, perhaps because the masculine is the power up gender in this culture. Because it is the air breathed, men not only don’t see that, they likely don’t have the motivation to change it.
It is going to take women, with the conscious support of men, to stop playing the “normal role” of sexual prey. That’s asking a lot of ourselves when we’re used to getting attention and admiration because of our tits and ass and being “beautiful.” But through diligent mindful exploration we have had the potential to start to disarm the toxic predatory cycle. There really is another way!!!!
How does this relate to OMing? As I was sharing my journey of OMing with him I realized that when the container is really followed, OMing has a great potential to disarm the toxic predatory cycle. OMing has the potential to bring mindfulness to so much patterning- it really started to blow me away as I shared my own gleanings and what I’ve learned from a lot of the healthy men in the OM FB group. There really is another way!!!! PHEW!!!!
In future blog posts I’d like to connect with the ways that OMing has helped me to shift out of old objectification and predatory patterning. I think it’s a valid and important exploration, and I think the microcosm of OM is a good place to study it as any. It feels a bit daunting to try to encapsulate it in words, as a lot of it is still unfolding for me. But I think there’s some concrete ways to talk about it.
While my friend’s first question was one of doubt, by the time we finished our chat she understood that, when done “right”, OMing is not a predatory practice. All the more reason to keep the container clean and clear- so that it can really serve it’s purpose. I’m looking forward to continuing the study! 😀