The topic of make-outs has come into my life. Well, not exactly just the topic, but the happenings of them.
The first one happened about a month and a half ago. This was with a “friends with benefits” person. Out of the blue we texted each other seeming to want the same thing- a 20 minute make out. After it happened I realized it had a lot of similarities to an OM, and blogged about it here.
The second one happened a few weeks ago. This was with someone I’d recently started dating. Again I realized the situation mirrored OMing in curious ways! I blogged about that here.
After the third I posted this in the OM FB group, and turned it into a blog post for quick referencing. After a forth today, and people wanting to know more about what’s been going on with me and these make-outs ( BWG ) I’m inspired to slow down and write about some of the specifics of these exchanges.
I’m not an OM’er from the old days, and I don’t have any direct experience with make-outs from a One Taste perspective, or from an OM community perspective. These are just my own personal experiments that have worked for me. I’m still learning, and my way is not going to be everyones way. Having said that, I’ll share what I think may be some useful tidbits for make outs.
1. The container. I’m a huge container fan. Make outs are different in that there isn’t an already manufactured/established tight container. If both people are from the OMing world then there is that to fall back on. All of the experiences I’ve blogged about/will be referencing have been with non OMers, but, they’ve been with people who are self aware and present, and who respect me and are tuned into me. This is huge for me, and to be honest I’m not sure I’d be able to do make outs with people that didn’t have this resonance.
Things you might want to get clear on: time, location/place, body positions, clothing, hand positions, if one of you is leading, safe words/communication protocol. I’m sure there is more!
Here’s an example: for the first make out it was decided to be at my place, at my kitchen counter, for 20 minutes, minimal/no talking, clothes on. Any deviation from that would be done at my lead (I took his shirt off). We didn’t decide ahead of time where hands couldn’t and could go- it seemed assumed that everything would be “over clothes.” Assumptions are not a clear way to move forward, so if particulars are important, make sure you talk about them. (See #3)
2. The stroking. Although this is part of the container it deserves to have more time and attention. So far the stroking that’s happened in my make outs have been organically discovered.
A few thoughts on stroking in general: In OMing the clit and the finger are like a key and the ignition. When a key turns into the ignition the engines starts, but the engine is far away from the key/ignition. While OMing the clit/finger is the “hub” location, but the sensations rev all over the body. This happens in make outs too.
The hub in a make out may not be evident or take form. In the first make out, for example, there wasn’t a strong hub of stroking that mirrored the clit/finger dynamic. The stroking fluctuated between our hands, and our mouths. There was other kinds of stroking happening too- legs, feet, breath, stomaches. If I had to narrow it down, I’d say that the hands were the main focus point of stroking.
In our last couple make outs the key/ignition hub locations have organically taken more of a form- as if to mimic the finger/clit dynamic. Last week the hub was in the pelvic region- more specifically my pussy rubbing up against his cock, although it was often more nebulous then that. Tonight it was more succinct- it was our tongues.
There was lots of other stroking going on, but these hubs became the focus of the strokes. And, just like in an OM the impacts/the orgasm was unlimited and experienced throughout our systems.
How these hub locations resemble the clit/finger dynamic has been fascinating, particularly because they weren’t designated ahead of time, but were discovered. (FWIW, depending on the resonance you have with your make out partner, pre-designating might actually be a good idea. See #3) At some point our pelvic regions assumed a lot of attention, and the strokes started to mainly emanate from there. Just like the finger and clit can be an exquisite study, the beautiful and conscious ways our pelvis’ were connecting was exquisite, passionate, and mysterious. There were the full range of strokes, from hard and long, to soft and short, and everywhere in between.
There was a hyper awareness given to everything that was happening in that region-a conscious dance occurring in this hub, that was birthing orgasmic waves throughout both our bodies. We weren’t speaking/making verbal requests, our bodies were following each others energetic requests. Again, depending on the resonance you have with your make out partner, it might be best for some to have verbal communication throughout a make out. (see#3)
The hub in tonights’ make out organically became our tongues. As with the pelvic hub, the strokes between our tongues became the point of focus- there was hyper awareness organically developed there. The strokes varied just as they do in an OM- some were short and hard, some were long and slow, and everywhere in between.
It could be a great experiment to predetermine where the stroking hub will be. Perhaps that would make the container more tight and safe for some people.
3. Communication: It will be unique to each situation as to how much communication is needed in a make out. I have not felt the need for a lot of verbal communication for these make outs because of the container that was already present in our dynamic. If this is not already existing, then clear communication, where the details are fully worked out, would be in your best interest.
I’d recommend establishing a safe word- a word that can quickly be called out when it might be too overwhelming to make a request. My sweetie and I have recently identified a safe word when either of us experiences overwhelm. From there a request can be made. In retrospect this is something I’d have set up earlier- starting with my first make out. I did have a couple ptsd responses and I can see now in retrospect that safe porting with a designated “safe word” would have been really empowering for me.
Someone from the FB group suggested this as a possible way to enter into a make out discussion: “I have a desire for [“a containered make out” or other term for that]” or “Would you like to ________?” Further boundaries/container agreements could be established from there. Safeport as needed.
It is not always easy to name our wants and needs. But when we do our experiences can become immensely empowering. Please take the time to hone in on what you’re wanting and needing from your make out, and with your make out partner.
4. Lack of agenda, focus on presence.
This is likely the single most important thing for me, pretty much everywhere in my life. Can you hold space, go slow AND feel desire? If you can’t, then please move along. Make outs are powerful when the focus is on being with what is arising in the preset moment. No where to go, nothing to do, nothing to achieve. Attention is on here and now, and when it deviates to past or future, the invitation is to keep bringing it back to here and no.
5. Possible ideas, in the “less sexual” realm:
Fingers. I can imagine a lot happening through out the body as fingers stroke fingers.
Other hubs: eyes (gazing). Cheeks. Feet. Hands. Backs. It seems there be a lot of still contact or slow movement if any at all.
Lots of possibilities here!
This is a new topic of exploration for me. I’d love for people to share their ideas for make out ideas, as well as ways to keep it safe.