After years of trying to consciously meet, and then grab hold of, an incoming climax during my sexual interactions, OMing has distanced me from the agenda of climaxing. This felt like a relief- because there is so much subtext about “achieving climax,” that a subtle pressure to have one gets generated.
There seems to be pressure all the way around- for the woman to climax and also a pressure on the man that she have one. I once was partnered with someone who had difficulty connecting with his desires due to his insecurities. Instead of meeting his blockages, he’d bypass them and resort to the toys, which i often used on myself. This got him off the hook so to speak, and me off, literally. We were both lost in outcome, as opposed to the quality of connection that comes when there is no agenda. Said another way, the agenda decreased quality and present connection between us.
How quickly this happens in sexual exchanges. There’s a lot of grey area here, because let’s be honest, climaxing feels damn good. And there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have one, or the agenda to have one. And yet… agenda’s… can be so limiting, in a variety of ways.
From the onset of OMing I finally felt the space to escape from this pressure, or agenda, to climax. And yet in the beginning (of my OMing career) my mind would often go to climax because of the associations playing in my mind. I’d start to feel the orgasm build, and I’d want the usual outcome- basically I wanted the reward I was used to. As I was able to let go of the agenda to have a particular outcome, the reward became presence as opposed to a particular experience.
I was so wanting to unhinge from the agenda of climaxing that I preferred strokes that wouldn’t “induce” the urge to climax. And it was worth it in the sense that with resources not funneling toward outcome, they could go toward my whole body experience of orgasm.
My system is still unhinging some habitual associations, and i continue to find the exploration fascinating. What i’m currently discovering- or perhaps continuing to discover- is that I don’t need/have to “grab hold” of incoming climax expressions, so that “I will climax.” As I said to my stroker today after our OM, the thread of a climax now finds me, and takes me, instead of me finding it and going after it. How this showed up today was that as my body “prepared” to climax, I would repeatedly relax and surrender. And yet climax over came me anyway.
I still seem to have a bias towards not wanting to climax during an OM- for a variety of reasons. And yet since it is no longer happening because I’m trying to make it happen, it feels like i’m continuing to deepen my connection to climaxing, which feels both exciting and mysterious. I know this will have a spill over effect into my life in other ways too- as OMing always does.