Presence over Pleasure

The benefits of following the OM model has benefited my life outside the nest so much. I write about it a lot because I’m constantly gifted with experiencing how OMing benefits me in my life.
A popular topic in OMing is dropping agenda. For me, within that is the dropping the agenda to have a certain kind of experience, to achieve something in particular, and to climax. The agenda to climax in particular seemed to disappear, but it revealed itself in new ways when I OM’d with a new person this week. There’s a lot that I’ve learned this week that way exceeds the topic of climax, and hopefully I’ll blog about it soon. But in the mean time… climax.  After a couple years of OMing I still see how this agenda still lives in my psyche in convoluted ways. Particularly when there is insecurity, awkwardness, emotional discomfort, fear, PTSD , etc.
The culture we are in is so fixated on pleasure. And not just pleasure, but explosive and dramatic pleasure. In sexual dynamics that correlates to climax. We all love how it feels to climax. There is nothing quite like it. We human beings will go to great lengths to experience pleasure and climax, even at the expense of the well being of our totality. Who wouldn’t want to bypass discomfort, awkwardness, etc so that we can experience what comes with having a climax?
There in lies the beauty of the OM. We are asked to put aside our desire and agenda to climax, and instead stay with whatever presents itself. *What ever presents itself.*  This is novel for so many of us, even those of us in the mindfulness/non dual/enlightenmenty communities. Particularly when you bring in orgasm and genitals and clitoris’- and…   I mean, seriously! Hold on a minute! You want me to stay with whatever presents itself when I have the constant knowledge that I can harness a climax with the simple instruction of “faster/harder” or mentaling?  You want me to stay with all my unresolved trauma and ptsd and conditioning when i could easily skip over that and experience a climax that will temporarily wash it all away?
Well, yes: that is what OMing invites.  I’ve been studying our culture’s addictive nature of experiencing pleasure so as to bypass pain for quite awhile. And this study just keeps getting more and more refined, thanks to OMing (and my own willingness to ride the waves of discomfort that comes in other areas of my life.)
I continue to discover ways that I’d just as soon jump to pleasure as a coping strategy then stay with what arising for me psychological or emotionally. By the way, there is nothing wrong with using pleasure as a coping strategy. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to experience pleasure. But for me, what I’ve discovered is that wanting to experience pleasure so as to avoid pain leads to more pain. The more I use pleasure as a coping strategy, the less I can be present with my actual life. In other words, the more I use pleasure as a coping strategy, the more I have to use pleasure as a coping strategy to avoid that which is lingering near by that I keep bypassing.
It seems to me that when we make the conscious choice to not skip over anything, we discover that maybe, just maybe, we’ve been using pleasure as a way to skip past discomforts- discomforts that are trying to communicate important information to us. Information about what keeps us from fully functioning as our best/healthiest selves in the world.
That’s what I’ve discovered anyway. I’m going to write about more of the particulars in another blog post, but for now I just want to honor the beauty of how deep the OM container can go when we let us take us deep into our own inner caverns. If we can truly let go the agenda to climax and stay in the container, there is a gold mine waiting for us.
When we don’t fixate on explosive pleasure it may not seem like gold at first. It might seem like fake gold. Or like shit. For me there is often a lot of discomfort that shows up when I choose not to bypass. There were moments this week when I really didn’t want to meet my insecurities and programming. I tried to put it off, but that ultimately led to me gas lighting myself, which felt horrible. The insecurities felt horrible, the gas lighting felt horrible. The disempowerment that came along with those felt horrible.
I wanted to jump past the trauma being uprooted and focus on pleasure. Pleasure would have been a nice alternative, right? I mean hell- I know all about pleasure- I know how to experience a shit ton of pleasure, and have a good time doing so (no pun intended).  But discomfort and pain?   What about actually feeling the insecurities and the programming head on?
I stayed with the insecurities and all that came with it because I know that when I remain present to whatever is arising, when i can allow the discomfort to be as it is, and face it, I am left with amazing gifts.  In other words, if discomfort is stayed with, gold will reveal itself. That is the magic of being in the present, as opposed to circumventing/bypassing what is arising for something “better”.  For me that is the most empowering route. Not the easiest, but the richest.
The gifts I received from staying with the discomfort as opposed to abandoning it…    Somewhat hard to talk about, but certainly known in my system. Integrity, authenticity, and spaciousness come to mind. A deeper trust for and with myself. A deeper trust in and with humanity and in those I’m in relationship with. More trust and safety in being alive on this planet. A knowing that I matter, all parts of me matter- including insecurity, pain and fear, as well as pleasure, spaciousness, and orgasm.  A knowing that I can speak and own my truth, because it’s mine.
The parallels to how this shows up in my life is endless. Throughout my day there are constant opportunities to stay with what is, and be present in the moment, or bypass discomfort because I’d rather temporally feel better. All day long there are invitations to be in integrity with myself, and tune into my inner authority, or to numb/pacify myself or “go along” with what someone else is saying/wanting. Clearly there is no right or wrong, good or bad here- but there are differences in my well being depending on what route I tend to go.
Clearing out the old always makes room for new. That’s what it’s like when I don’t bypass old conditioning, pain body and trauma- I move through the old, and the new birth’s itself. Expansiveness and spaciousness and freedom… is there anything more pleasurable?  😉
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