As my stroker gently moved the blanket around my legs I was once again brought to gratitude. There is such sacredness brought to this exchange. Him smoothing out the seams in the blanket so that it’s smooth against my legs, him making sure it covers my toes, him puling back the blanket to begin only when I’m ready… all the way to the end… him staying still until I make the first move. He has learned what feels good to my system. He pays attention. He treats “us” as sacred. And I notice, receive, and open, to it all.
If all exchanges could be treated so sacredly, I thought. With care and conscious attention. Love and kindness and connection leading the way, as opposed to ego or defense. Presence. It really is not that hard to become present, when that becomes the guiding light in the heart of being.
The second after having that thought, I realized that I actually have sacred exchanges throughout the entirety of my life. It’s not just a happenstance of a 15 minute OM exchange. That care and delicate mindfulness now permeates into my life through most of my relationships. Just this morning I had breakfast with a friend who I don’t see but a few times year. Before we started eating he asked if we could pause and express gratitude. We held hands, and looked at each other in the eyes, and verbally shared words of gratitude. Sacred.
I have sacredness with my clients. With my daughter. With my friends. And most importantly I have it with the divine, as s/he lives as me. OM’ing has helped me ground in the divine matrix that is me- through the sacredness of the container. That of course is another post entirely- and i’ve written about it plenty. 🙂
Back to today’s OM. Lately my body wants to shoot into climax very quickly once into the flow of the OM. I’m not sure why, really. Perhaps it is bc my orgasm is quite alive these days, and already present before the OM starts. As such the “climax spark” gets turned on very quickly once the OM starts. What i mean by the climax spark… it’s not intrinsic to climax (For me it can perhaps be characterized by that exquisite sense of being that I might call divine- and can be experienced throughout a day!) but it can be easily noticed during sexual practice. The sex chakra and the heart chakra synced and “on fire.”
My attention longs to stay right with that spark, to sustain that spark. *And* what i’ve been noticing is how my physiology interacts with that spark. The spark seems to “want to be known”, but from a physiological perspective it, as the body, wants pleasure and climatic release. Today I watched my thighs twitch, “prepare” for climax. I watched other such physiological preparations take place as well. It took a lot of conscious attention to open into those preparations as opposed to let them “take hold” of the climax so it could “happen.” As I watched this ebb and flow sometimes it would even seem as though my body was trying to “take” climax from my strokers finger. Physiology was so biased towards this occurrence, it seemed. As I noticed that I’d repeatedly soften, soften, soften. And bring attention back to this “spark”- back to my heart, back to this etherial but known energy.
In the last minute of the OM my body did “grab” the climax. As my stroker went into down strokes the climax continued to unfold. Eventually he paused and grounded his palms/fingers into my pussy. Intuitively he repositioned the pressure so that the pressure was more on my clit, which is what I was wanting (but hadn’t yet verbalized). In that moment the energy, which has been running down my legs, shot back up to my heart. It was as if his hands/the pressure was allowing my system to hold the energy into my being, as opposed to me “giving away” this orgasmic expression. (This is something i have been consciously exploring). I found this synchronistic happening quite profound for my energetic and heart system, and was in awe of the mystery that life and I exist in/as.