Sipped rather than gulped…

Last night I was with my sweetie and it dawned on me how OMing reaches so many corners of my life. It’s a new relationship, so lots of newness in general- including lots of new hotness. ROAR!!! and SWOOOOON! AND some fears and discomfort too as the vulnerability scales are being massively tipped.
Thanks to OMing (and my mindfulness/inquiry practice) there is this deep ability to watch the thoughts and the visuals and the mind going “there”- future, action, outcome, etc.- but not act on any of it. To really stay “here”- fully present, fully committed to feeling it all. And to not jumping to action to skip out of feeling or bypassing any of the feeling that may be overwhelming or uncomfortable.
I don’t think i’ve ever felt so present, and yet not hurried, when things are hot as hell and the orgasms are flying all over the place. To really bask fully in it. And To not move away from any of the challenges either. So grateful.

My sweetie and I have been continuing to have “containered make outs.” Even though they are more sexual in nature, I keep getting blown away by how much like an OM they are. Passion and desire, in/on a slow burn, with no outcome or agenda other then to feel the nuanced strokes between us. Adjustments made as needed/expressed. This phrase seems to get at it: “…sipped rather then gulped. a steady exploration…”

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Beingness

I’ve been really exploring into the space behind all the “trying” and “doing”-  the space of being. Beingness is here all the time- but it often goes unnoticed as attention gets caught in the mental arena. Once in that mental arena we’re no longer in touch with direct experience, but instead are in the land of imagination- of figuring out, analyzing, and so on: mentally creating as opposed to consciously directly experiencing life.

Sometimes- maybe almost always- we have to slow wayyyyy dowwwwwwn to connect with our direct experience of beingness, bc of all the data and all the meaning making happening.

In this week’s OM i was drawn for a super slow OM. I probably requested “slow down” 20 times. I wanted to feel the space of beingness, and was experiencing so much data that it felt like things were going “too fast.”

There is an exquisiteness in slowing way down, in feeling the most subtle and sublime. No where to go, nothing to do, but hone in on the most intricate bits of beingness. Ohmmmmmmm.

The song of orgasm, cont.

Last night I was with my sweetie and it dawned on me how OMing reaches so many corners of my life. It’s a new relationship, so lots of newness in general- including lots of new hotness. ROAR!!! and SWOOOOON! AND some fears and discomfort too as the vulnerability scales are being massively tipped.

We had set a container to have a make out, clothes staying on. At some point I was reminded of the early days of OMing, when my mind was constantly going to thoughts, visuals-the mind going “there”- future, action, outcome, etc.  But because of my OMing/mindfulnes/inquiry practices I didn’t have to act on any of it, which was super powerful.

It was so similar to an OM! I wrote about the song of my orgasm yesterday, and last night that study continued. The song danced between my pussy and my heart. It was a fantastic and intense study. If a heart can climax, mine did last night. Surging and contracting and a pulsating that took me over, just like a pussy climax does. Honing attention to the song of the orgasm, and how that song dances, is certainly my study of late. 😀


To really stay “here”- fully present, fully committed to feeling it all. To not jump to action to skip out of feeling or bypassing any of the feelings that may be overwhelming or uncomfortable. And also to not jump to action because the feelings of pleasure are so intense! 
I don’t think i’ve ever felt so present, and yet not hurried, when things were hot as hell and the orgasms are flying all over the place. To really bask fully in it. And To not move away from any of the challenges either. So grateful.

The song of orgasm singing

I’ve been contemplating  sexual predation so it seemed apt to study predation in today’s OM.

I laid down and situated myself  and am reminded immediately of how vulnerable it can feel to OM.  My legs spread wide open, pussy fully explored. Here I am. Here’s my pussy.

My OM partner covers me with a blanket. He’s been paying attention and knows I like a blanket on me, over my pussy, when he first starts to ground me. He’s here, present.  He aware of my vulnerability.

My foot is connected to his. His legs are warm, and angled just right as to not press down onto my belly. His wide hands ground me slowly. He knows I’ll let him know when I’m ready. He waits for me.

If there is any predatory energy on his behalf, I don’t feel it. I feel safe. He’s here to support me, and here to feel himself. I let him take care of himself, and I let him take care of me.  And I take care of me. And I take care of him by being true to myself- conveying my wants and needs.  I safe port him. And he safe ports me. Funny how this all feeds the both of us.

The bell dings and he begins stroking my clit. I check in to see if there is any part of me that feels like prey, and him a predator, and I can’t find it. I’m wide open exposed to him, but I’m not at her mercy in any way. I make my requests. I feel my orgasm.

At some point my attention notices how his hands feel on my pussy and legs.  The touch feels so gentle, soft, loving,  and present. It’s profound, and I feel my whole system relax into this comfort. If there is any predatory energy on his behalf, I don’t feel it.

My attention goes to the song of my orgasm- I can feel her singing. Unknowingly my intention shifts from studying predation to studying the song of my orgasm. My attention is glued to her. After while it is no longer me letting her sing- I’d stood back and my orgasm is now in control. My orgasm is singing, and it is my attention’s job to honor her. Somehow, I’m using my attention in such a way as to allow her song to be held.

This happens in a nuanced way that I can barely describe, but know exists because a space for her song is carved out with clarity and focus. I become devoted to her song, and sing she did.

Is there any predatory energy? Not that I know of. I feel safe. I feel more then safe. I am surrendered to the song of orgasm- not knowing where she’ll go, or what she will look or sound like.

I stay with her and she takes me places. Deep into the core of my pussy, and high above my body. Around me, and through me. It is a subtle song, and it took some discipline to stay with her.

I repeatedly watch my body “prepare” for climax, and then I intentionally relax that which is preparing. This happened many times. At some point I stop deviating from her song, and when I do climax “happens”. It’s hard to explain with words, but at some point there stops being a participatory witness, and the movement becomes it’s own totality. Time and space fell away. My body climaxes and the song continues. She sang through the continued stroking (my stroker never deviated from his stroke, which pretty much amazes me), through the shaking and undulating of my body, and through the continued climax, which seemed to go on and on. The bell had rung by this time, and she wants to continue to sing, and she does. Until the witness comes back, and I let my stroker know that it’s ok to go into down strokes.

I no longer need to ask if there is predatory energy, or any sense of predation. My body continues to orgasm, and laughter erupts. Ahhhhh ohhhhmmmmmmmmm. ❤

Different, not necessarily better

It might be the hardest thing to convey to someone- OMing really isn’t about climaxing. Seriously. No, really. We’re not working toward that. It’s not the goal, in any way. It doesn’t mean success. It doesn’t mean anything, other then climax.

In a previous OM I had waves of fear arise and fall away. Moments of terror, and moments of sadness. I cried. I shook. I grimaced. I also orgasmed. And smiled and laughed and released released released. It was a great OM. Whatever that means, i’m not exactly sure. 🙂

In another OM I had no fear, no tears, no ptsd responses. Oh, and I climaxed. As I sat up my OM partner said something about how this one was better. I’ve forgotten the words because, well, oxytocin high. But yeah, he assuming better because I’d climaxed. I smiled and said, really, the OM isn’t better when I climax.

How crazy is it that I mean that. But even in my oxytocin high I had the sobriety to know that it was true. Sure, climaxing is great. It’s fun. To be so present to such a physiological response, and all the yum that comes with that. It’s freakin’ awesome! But it really, truthfully, it wasn’t “better.” Climaxing  feels damn good. And so does releasing trauma. So does being present, with whatever is arising. Does anything really feel better then presence?

I get that from a certain perspective climaxing could be identified as better. Or, the other OM, where I healed some trauma, could be identified as better. But “different” seems like a useful word. All OMs are profound- they are all rich, deep, in their own uniqueness. And they are all different.

Exploring sexual predation

“How can you make yourself prey like that?”

A friend asked me that when I was explaining OMing. I got it. And I think that most women who have OMed have had that question run through their minds. Maybe we haven’t always asked it with those words, but hell yeah! there is a lot of vulnerability lying there, flat on our backs, legs spread open, our pussy being looked at, scrutinized even. It’s quite easy to see how, from a certain perspective, one could feel How could we not feel like prey? (fwiw, i’m not saying we are actually prey, in the OM container, just that one could have that idea…)  The sad truth is, well, we’re pretty used to it. Not that we’re fine with it. Not that we don’t even hate it sometimes. But we’re used to it, and, we’ve adapted. But I wonder if we’re really aware of how far it goes- how much we’ve adapted.

 

Someone, a male, once told me, “I’m constantly thinking about how I can get the woman I’m talking to to have sex with me.”  He shared this with no shame or embarrassment. I’d witnessed this often in his interactions- his attention was often preying on women. It wasn’t just him- other men have shared this with me too. To a certain extent, in this culture, this is the “norm”- to objectify women, and to prey on them- energetically or through action. Sometimes it’s overt, but a lot of times its quite subtle, and even sublime. A toxic culture yielding toxic norms resulting in a predatory culture- becoming the air we often breath and live from.

To acclimate to the predatory culture we exist in, it’s no wonder we as females have sexually predatorized ourselves- over time we’ve unconsciously but purposefully objectified ourselves to make ourselves prey.

Think about it. In our consumerist society “beautifying” is a huge business- all the way from cosmetic surgery, to lingerie, to make up, to dieting and exercise. We’ve adapted in such a way as to basically make ourselves be attractive prey. (And when we don’t– we’re homely, unattractive, prudes, shy, conservative, masculine, fat, flabby, unhealthy, unkept, afraid of our femininity, and so on.) We know how to play the game, so much that sometimes we don’t even know that we’re playing a game- that we’re in the game.  (And yes, we do it to men/other women, too.)

Do women **really** beautify ourselves to feel good?  “Feel good” based upon what? Can we even separate how normal it has become to be prey, as well to preyed upon, from our autonomous well being? Complicated questions for sure. And no easy answers. But a lot to consider.

OMing- and being celibate for 6 months last year- have helped me wake up to more of my own patterning and the toxic culture that I have unconsciously acclimated to. It has been so easy for me to get swept away by a toxic society’s expectations as well as my own conditioned desires to be loved/wanted/etc. I have not only sexually predatized myself, but have sexually preyed on men/women- *I* have tried to get them to want/have sex with me. It is sad but also innocent that in our culture this is what it’s come to for me and many women to feel empowered. There can be another way though, I know this deep in my heart. OMing has helped me in seeing this.

I’m involved in a new relationship and am learning that while sexual predation may be the norm in this culture, it is a toxic norm. This new dude has not bought into masculine toxicity in the ways that so many of my past lovers have, and it’s simply blowing me away because, quite frankly, I’d convinced myself that “this is how it is” so thoroughly that it became safer for me to join the mindset then try to beat it. (And join it I did- I can predatize and objectify myself like no body’s business. And then I can prey on other from that predatitized state. The toxic cycle is vast.)

I just recently read a friend’s account of multiple ways he experienced sexual predation by people in power up positions, so I think the masculine is starting to recognize how sexual predation exists in our culture in overt ways. But we, as a culture, don’t realize is how covertly it happens- how it is woven itself into “normal” behavior, perhaps because the masculine is the power up gender in this culture. Because it is the air breathed, men not only don’t see that, they likely don’t have the motivation to change it.

It is going to take women, with the conscious support of men, to stop playing the “normal role” of sexual prey. That’s asking a lot of ourselves when we’re used to getting attention and admiration because of our tits and ass and being “beautiful.” But through diligent mindful exploration we have had the potential to start to disarm the toxic predatory cycle. There really is another way!!!!

How does this relate to OMing? As I was sharing my journey of OMing with him I realized that when the container is really followed, OMing has a great potential to disarm the toxic predatory cycle. OMing has the potential to bring mindfulness to so much patterning- it really started to blow me away as I shared my own gleanings and what I’ve learned from a lot of the healthy men in the OM FB group. There really is another way!!!!  PHEW!!!!

In future blog posts I’d like to connect with the ways that OMing has helped me to shift out of old objectification and predatory patterning. I think it’s a valid and important exploration, and I think the microcosm of OM is a good place to study it as any. It feels a bit daunting to try to encapsulate it in words, as a lot of it is still unfolding for me. But I think there’s some concrete ways to talk about it.

While my friend’s first question was one of doubt, by the time we finished our chat she understood that, when done “right”, OMing is not a predatory practice. All the more reason to keep the container clean and clear- so that it can really serve it’s purpose. I’m looking forward to continuing the study! 😀

Trauma and OMing

This morning I woke up experiencing some ptsd trauma from a past relationship. I could feel that frozen energy in my body- taking me back to various times when i was with him, frozen in place, unable to get out of abusive situations. I let my body feel and experience  all that came- sadness, anger, fear… self loathing and judgment… compassion and forgiveness. Tears, sobs, shakes and eventually smiles. Release, and relief.

My OM partner was due to arrive shortly, and I thought about cancelling OM because some of what I was processing was sexual trauma and I didn’t want to further traumatize myself.  Trauma and OMing is a big topic- I know from personal experience OMing has the potential to help heal/integrate trauma, but I also know it can re-traumatisze.  Instead I contacted him to see if we could push it back 15 minutes. I didn’t hear back from him, and felt ready when the appointed time came. I turns out he had misplaced his phone, so wouldn’t have gotten a cancellation message anyway. I thought about cancelling, once again- “will he be too stressed out about his phone to hold space for me?” I wondered. We’ve come to have a wonderful container over the the last year of OMing, and I decided to go for it. I safe ported him, and myself, explaining that I had been releasing some old stuff that morning, and so it was likely my body might shake during the OM.

I could feel him more deeply arrive in himself. As we situated ourselves I could feel his attentiveness to my comfort. I set an intention to continue to release what was ready to release. We began.

There wasn’t content- it was as if i’d already met that earlier that morning- but I could immediately feel a frozenness in my system. I kept grounding myself, into myself, also using his leg and his foot and his finger. There was not a lot of sensation in my clit. I wasn’t surprised. I kept feeling more into his legs and his foot. Into my hands, my legs, my feet, and my breath. I felt a sense of disconnect, but stayed patient with myself. Attention came to my heart, and I tended to her. She was scared, and as I felt him stroke my clit, I felt my heart being stroked. My body shook.

The fear kept arising and I felt immense vulnerability. At one point I asked him to pause the stroke so that I could feel what was there without any more incoming stimulation. I felt him. I felt me. My heart opened. I sobbed. I felt the fear. My body shook. I released.  We resumed.

Not long after my clit came back on line and  hot energy surged through my legs. I felt the energy from my clit go deep downward into my body, as if something was sucking my clit and his finger and everything into itself. My body undulated, deep sounds came out of my mouth- almost growls at times. At other times my clit seemed to open upward and a heart and clit energy merged in an ethereal space above and around me. I used attention to explore the “going down/into” energy of the orgasm and then the “going up/out” energy of the orgasm. They both felt expansive and deep in their own way. Perhaps this was a yin/yang kind of transmission or energetic exchange happening within my system. The two together felt both powerful and gentle. Nourishing and penetrating. Shortly after I felt a deep grounding into my lower chakras, particularly at the base of my spine. I felt immensely grounded into the earth, and into being. Hard to put into to words- but very connected. The opposite of how the OM started.

This OM seemed to contain so much within it- so many travels within travels. I didn’t want it to end because of how profound it felt for my system to have such a safe place to explore the ins and outs (no pun intended) of my clit, my emotions, …. my beingness. I felt so grateful for him, as I hugged him goodbye. Off he went to try to find his phone. And I was left contemplating the way OMing has the potential to heal trauma.

I don’t necessarily think OMing is a useful method for everyone when it comes to healing and integrating trauma. In short, I think there has to be a lot of self awareness, the ability to hold one’s own space (so to speak), and other kinds of existing support/processing with regards to the trauma being explored. But if those are already in place, then OMing can be a profound way to augment and assist with trauma integration healing.

About 30 minutes later my OM partner texted me:  “I remembered the code! and have recovered my phone! I will credit our OM time for stimulating my memory.”
And I will credit our OM for healing that which I can’t even grasp with thoughts. Thank you OM. ❤